Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Twenty-Two: Pretzel Lovin’
Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. I’m not making any money.
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Author’s Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (that’s Out Of Character if you don’t know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you don’t like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Twenty-Two: Harry and Hermione attempt their first original ritual.
In order to prepare themselves for the rituals that Hermione had created, the brunette witch devised a comprehensive workout routine. This routine consisted of several yoga postures as well as various calisthenics. Both of the young lovers would practice the same yoga postures, but they would perform different calisthenics. Harry found some of the standing yoga postures very easy due to his innate sense of balance. But the couple found out something they did not know before; Hermione was naturally very flexible. She could perform postures like the Shooting-bow Pose, Half-moon Pose, and Plow Pose very easily. This pleased Harry very much, especially when Hermione would do the Standing Forward Bend because it gave him a spectacular view of her delicious bottom.
As for their individual calisthenics, Harry would do full push-ups while Hermione would practice modified push-ups where her knees were allowed to touch the floor. The pair also did several types of sit-ups and stomach crunches. But one callisthenic Hermione would perform puzzled Harry. The young witch would either sit in a chair or simply stand in once spot while Harry did his pull-ups. She did not move any part of her body; she didn’t even look like she was straining herself. When Harry would ask her what she was doing, she’d always reply “I’m doing my exercises.”
At first Harry didn’t think she was doing any exercises at all. But after a week of Hermione’s motionless work-out, Harry had discovered the benefits. He had vowed to search for this Dr. Arnold Kegel and thank him profusely for creating such an incredibly versatile and rewarding exercise.
*
One night while going over his notes for Transfiguration, Harry’s mind wandered to the rituals that Hermione had created and realized something.
“Hey, Hermione, I just thought of something,” he began. Hermione looked up from her notes and he continued. “Do you think that our power boosts will affect these rituals you’ve made?”
Hermione was silent for a moment before speculating, “It’s possible.”
“Maybe we should get somebody to do the rituals as well,” Harry opined.
“That’s a good idea, Harry,” Hermione agreed. “We would need a couple to perform the ritual so we could have a baseline.”
“What’s a ‘baseline’?”
“A standard to which we could compare and measure our success,” Hermione clarified. “We would need to know what should happen based on a normal powered couple compared to our boosted abilities.”
“Oh well, that makes sense,” Harry replied. “And we can get Ron and Luna to do the rituals. Neither of them has performed any power boosting rituals.”
“They’d be perfect,” Hermione added. “But we’ll have to make them do the same exercises we do so that they can be prepared.”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Harry said.
After a moment, Hermione added; “You still want to do the rituals though, don’t you? Regardless of our how our power boosts might affect them?”
“Oh, definitely,” Harry replied. He was one never to pass up an opportunity for sex. “In fact, I think we should practice for the ritual.”
“Practice in what way?” Hermione asked coyly.
“Just the basics,” Harry replied. “You know, simple stuff like I place my penis into your vagina and go on from there.”
“Ah, you’re such a romantic, Harry,” she said with a randy smile. Harry could tell that she was more than willing to push her notes to the side so that the two of them could bang each others brains out on the table thanks to her patented ‘come shag me’ look. But Harry felt like toying with his lover a bit.
“Yeah, you’re right. Never mind,” he turned his attention back to his notes. “Pretend I didn’t say anything.”
“Uh uh, Mr. Potter,” Hermione said while unbuttoning two buttons on her blouse. “You said you were going to put your penis in my vagina. And I’m going to hold you to it.”
Even though it was just a quickie, Hermione was very energetic. She cheered and encouraged Harry with phrases such as/ “Insert penis faster!”/
*
Ron and Luna were very interested in helping Harry and Hermione test out the new rituals. The reason for this drive was that Luna, being a Ravenclaw, was intrigued and excited by the notion of helping test new magics. On the other hand, Ron, being a bloke, was intrigued and excited by the notion of boinking his wife in new positions. The married couple joined in on Harry and Hermione’s morning exercise routines with a passion.
After a few weeks of exercises, the two couples progressed to higher repetitions of calisthenics and more advanced yoga postures. Because of his balance, Harry was very good at the one-legged pose and Hermione’s flexibility let her perform the camel pose easily. Ron and Luna were progressing fairly well also.
Both couples noted that the exercises gave them extra energy. Which Hermione and Luna were quite happy about since it gave them needed energy to deal with their heavier class loads. The outcome of the exercises made Ron and Harry happy because they now had extra energy which they used on Luna and Hermione, respectively.
/ /During this self-imposed training period, the extra lessons that Flitwick and McGonagall had offered had progressed as well. Harry and his friends were now performing cross-species transfiguration and advanced charms used to animate various inanimate objects even during battle simulations.
One Saturday early in this training phase, after they had finished their exercises, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Luna were busy doing their homework in the Head Boy and Girl’s chambers. The four friends had agreed to do their work in this room as opposed to the library because they were allowed to talk to each other in the chambers. A knock on the door interrupted their studies.
“Wotcher, kids,” a ridiculously happy Tonks said, albeit very quietly. The reason for Tonks’ joy as well as her lowered volume was cuddled up in her arms asleep.
A chubby, bald-headed, little baby softly snored in his mother’s arms.
Luna and Hermione began making high-pitched sounds that told Harry they were overjoyed to see the infant. The two witches rushed the pink-haired Auror and silently asked to hold the baby.
“Let me introduce Sirius Romulus Tonks-Lupin,” Tonks introduced her son as she gently handed him to Hermione. The brunette witch immediately began making soft cooing sounds and Luna waited patiently for her turn.
“When was he born?” Harry asked.
“Three days ago,” Tonks said.
“Did you and Remus get married in time?” Hermione asked as she eyed a modest gold ring on Tonks’ finger.
“Barely,” the Auror replied with a chuckle. “Let’s just say I said my vows in between contractions.”
“Speaking of Remus, where is he?” Ron asked.
“Last night was a full moon,” Tonks answered. “So he’s resting.”
“Oh,” Ron muttered.
A sudden tension filled the air. The four teenagers looked at the slumbering baby with a touch of sadness.
“Don’t worry,” Tonks reassured them. “Sometimes Lycanthropy doesn’t get passed down. Hopefully we’ll be lucky and lil’ Sirius won’t get all fuzzy every month.”
“When will you know for certain whether or not it’s passed him by?” asked Harry.
“The disease usually surfaces when the child turns five or so,” the new mother answered. “So we’ll just keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best. If not, then Remus will have a play buddy on full moons.”
Tonks was surprisingly upbeat. She talked to the two witches about the joys of motherhood; stretch marks, swollen breast, and sleepless nights. It was plainly obvious that Tonks couldn’t have been happier.
While Luna was holding Sirius, Tonks turned her attention to Harry and Hermione and asked; “So did you get to cum on her tits like you wanted to?”
Harry blanched and Hermione’s face turned beet red. Luna began to giggle softly and Ron looked in between Hermione’s chest and Luna’s. It was clear that he was wondering if he could do the same act.
“You told Tonks?” Hermione hissed in between her gritted teeth at Harry.
Before Harry could stammer a response, Tonks decided to help him and spoke up: “Actually, Courtney told me about it.”
“You told Courtney?” Hermione growled. Obviously, Tonks’ attempt at helping the young man out of a predicament was actually making it worse.
This time, Harry was able to stammer a response.
“Well… err… I… ah… sort of.”
“What did you just start up a conversation and say /’Great to see you, Courtney. Oh, by the way, I want to give Hermione a titty-shag’?” /Hermione asked in a scandalized way.
“No, that’s not how it happened,” Tonks defended Harry. “Courtney and Harry were talking about innocent things when she brought up sex – you know how she gets. Anyway, she was able to wriggle that tidbit of information out of Harry.”
Hermione huffed. She was still clearly upset and embarrassed.
“Did having a penis in between your breasts feel good?” Luna asked.
“Honestly, not really,” Hermione admitted and than offered a smile to Harry. “But it made Harry feel good, so I was pleased.”
“I hear it’s good for the skin,” Luna began. “Does it really tighten up the pores?”
Hermione huffed again at Luna’s crude question. But after a second, she couldn’t help but to crack a smile.
“It does; wonderful,” Luna announced. “Ronald, I’ll have to test this out for myself, so get ready.”
Judging by the happy smile on Ron’s face, he was ready to give it a go right then and there.
“So how were you able to do it?” Tonks asked. “I mean, Hermione’s got such small titties I’d imagine it was a little difficult.”
“Hey, your tits aren’t much bigger than mine,” Hermione jested.
In retaliation, Tonks screwed her eyes shut and her breasts began to expand like balloons. They grew and grew until they reached Luna’s size – which made the fabric of her/ “Weird Sisters” /pullover stretch to near ripping.
The four teenagers stared wide-eyed at the now overly endowed Tonks.
“Being a Metamorphmagus does have its benefits,” Tonks said impressively. “Yep, Remus is one lucky man. He can shag a different woman every night without cheating. Before my whirlwind pregnancy, Remus and I were masters at role-playing. He didn’t like it much though when we played /Stern “Professor and Naughty School Girl” /because I decided to make it as real as possible and made myself look like a fifteen year old. It freaked him out.”
Tonks and her son left a few minutes later. As the pink haired mother left the teenagers, she bragged, “I’ve got to show my son off to a load of other people.”
“We’ll be leaving now,” Luna announced suddenly to Harry and Hermione.
“We will?” Ron asked.
“Is there something you have to do?” Harry inquired.
“Yes, I need to see how effective Ronald’s seminal fluid is as a skin moisturizer,” Luna stated casually. “I’d be more than willing to test it right here on the couch, but I know how shy you and Hermione are when it comes to such public displays. So I figure that we’ll go back to Ronald’s room. Ta.”
With that, Luna and Ron left the Head Boy and Girl’s chambers. Ron had a look of absolute happiness on his face as his wife led him out. It was clear that he was going to enjoy using his wife’s enormous breasts in a new way.
“She certainly is a unique girl,” commented Hermione.
“That’s one way of putting it,” added Harry.
Hermione suddenly laughed out loud. “I just realized something,” she said. “Remember what I said about not replacing my moisturizer with your seminal fluid?”
“Yeah,” Harry answered.
“Well, judging by Ron’s apparent unending virility, it is possible for Luna to do just that,” Hermione said with a smile.
Harry felt very queasy for Hermione’s statement caused a mental image to pop up in his head. In this vision, Luna came bounding up to Harry and Hermione, every inch of her exposed flesh coated with a translucent and glossy liquid as she proudly declared: “It really does work as a moisturizer!”
*
During the pair’s hectic training and school schedules, the second week of September rolled around, and Harry began making plans for Hermione’s birthday. It was after all, her first birthday as his girlfriend and he wanted to make it as special as possible. Not only was Harry planning on buying a number of gifts for his lover, but he was also planning on a romantic candle lit dinner. He got two of her presents from Owl Catalogs but for the most important gift he snuck out of the castle one morning while Hermione was in Ancient Runes and made a quick trip to Diagon Alley.
When they woke up on the 19th of September, Harry kissed Hermione before saying “Happy Birthday.” He handed her his first present and Hermione smiled sweetly after she opened a finely caved box used to hold her writing materials; it had a felt lined compartment for her quill and several jars filled with different inks.
At lunch, Harry presented Hermione with her second birthday gift: a soft leather book bag with a Featherweight Charmed imbued in it. Before Harry could begin to explain the nature of the gift, the brunette witch squealed joyously and she held the bag over her head.
“It’s the/ ‘Notably Toteable Library Satchel!” /she exclaimed. “I’ve wanted this for so long!”
When dinner time came, Harry led Hermione into the hidden passageway under the Whomping Willow and into what used to be the Shrieking Shack – the interior of the house was still a magnificent mansion. Harry took Hermione into the Shack’s spectacular white marble dining room where Dobby was waiting for them.
During his preparations, Harry contacted Dobby and some of the other House-Elves (from the sect that didn’t want to castrate him for touching the Great One) and asked them to help prepare a dinner for Hermione. They were more than happy to make a outstanding meal for their prophesized savior. Dobby and the other Hogwarts’ House-Elves contacted their peers across the globe to help out in the meal.
After Harry held Hermione’s seat out and the brunette witch sat down, Dobby snapped his fingers and the large oak table was suddenly covered with several silver platters of exotic looking foods.
Dinner started with delectable appetizers made by a House-Elf from Nice. Then the couple moved onto the main course; a duck that was prepared by one of the finest House-Elf chefs in China. Dessert was a Key Lime pie made by a very talented elf- pastry chef from Liverpool.
“That was lovely, Harry,” Hermione said with a happy smile. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” he said before getting up and walking over to his girlfriend. He handed her a long thin case and said once more; “Happy birthday.”
“You shouldn’t have,” Hermione said and opened the case. Inside was a thin silver chain necklace with a small diamond dangling from it.
Tears welled up in her eyes and she said, “It’s beautiful.”
“May I?” Harry asked while gesturing to the necklace. She nodded her head and Harry pulled the jewelry out of the case. He unclasped the chain and Hermione held up her kinky hair, allowing him to place it around her neck and clasp it.
Harry had thought about buying her a ring, but he was afraid that she would mistake it for an engagement ring – not that he wasn’t ready to propose to Hermione. They had already decided to wait until they were done with school before making it official. Besides, Harry thought that proposing to her on her birthday would be too cheesy and clichéd.
Dobby bowed to Harry and Hermione and snapped his fingers once more. The food disappeared from the table and the house-elf walked out of the room.
“I feel so rotten,” Hermione pouted. Harry gulped and wondered if she didn’t like his presents. “You give me this gorgeous diamond necklace and two other truly thoughtful gifts for my birthday and all I gave to you on your birthday was a lousy blow-job.”
With a chuckle, Harry informed her, “It was in no way lousy. That was the single best birthday present I ever received.”
Hermione’s face began to glow and she said, “That may be, but you gave me three presents today and I only gave you that one. So I think I should start making it up to you.”
The brunette witch smiled wickedly as she slid off of her chair and knelt in front of Harry.
“Happy Birthday to you,” /she sang as she started to undo his trousers. “Happy Birthday to you,” she continued and pulled ‘Harry, Jr.’ out into the open air. “Happy Birthday, dear Harry.”/
/ /She then popped his organ into her mouth and hummed the rest of the song. She had to repeat the tune several times before he climaxed. The naughty witch made a show to Harry of presenting his seed in her mouth before swallowing it.
“That is the best Birthday present,” Harry reaffirmed. He decided to give Hermione a fourth present. It was a present that kept on giving; multiple orgasms.
After guiding her onto the oak table which Dobby had just cleared, Harry tapped into his love core and activated his parsletongue abilities. He didn’t stop devouring her until his tongue became numb; she was the birthday girl and this day needed to be special after all.
*
After an early morning exercise one October morning, Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Luna made their way to the castle’s kitchen for a light snack. Even though they could’ve just asked Dobby to get some food for them, Hermione didn’t like the idea of overworking the house-elf. But their trek to the kitchen was aborted when two people came stumbling out of an unused classroom.
Normally, when two people came stumbling out of a classroom, Harry and his friends wouldn’t give them much heed. But when the two people happened to be Neville and Ginny and both of them had mussed up hair and puffy, red lips as if they had just finished snogging like crazed teenagers, then Harry and his friends would stop and give heed.
“WHAT THE BLOODY EFFING HELL!” Ron screamed as he leapt toward Neville.
As Ron flew through the air, Harry recalled how Neville had physically thrashed a Death Eater on the train ride to the castle. Harry instantly came to the conclusion that if Ron started a fist fight with Neville, that the red hair wizard would get his arse handed to him. So, relying on his reflexes, honed by years of Quidditch (and dodging the Dursleys), Harry tackled Ron to the ground.
“Harry, gerroff me!” Ron growled. “I have to protect my sister’s virtue!”
Once again, Hermione apparently felt the overwhelming desire to point out that Ron was belated in his actions of trying to protect Ginny’s chastity. “It’s a little too late for that,” she commented. However her comment wasn’t soft and under her breath like it was when she had muttered a few weeks before. This time everyone around her heard her clearly.
“Hey!” Ginny said loudly. “I’m not that much of a slut!’
Hermione countered with a “pfft” sound.
“Ron, your sister’s a big girl now,” Harry tried to explain as Ron struggled to get up. “She can make decisions for herself.”
“Besides, Ronald, we’ve discussed this,” Luna said in a dreamy and soothing tone. “Ginny learned from our mistake; she cannot do anything with Neville besides kissing without being forced by your mother to marry him.”
After a moment, Ron acquiesced. “All right, fine,” he grumbled.
Harry got off of Ron, which was a mistake. The instant Harry had released him, Ron jumped up and charged at Neville.
“YOU TOUCHED MY SISTER!” he shouted.
Thankfully, Harry was able to grab his friend around his shoulders. He was trying to hold Ron back, but the red haired wizard continued to struggle.
“Ron, you’re taking this /’over-protective brother’ /thing a little too far, don’t you think?” Hermione reasoned. “Anyway, quite a number of people have touched your sister before Neville got his chance.”
“I don’t know what you’ve heard, but I am not such a loose witch!” Ginny tried to defend herself.
Another “pfft” noise filled the air in defiance to Ginny’s remark. This time however, it was Luna who had made the sound.
“Ginny, I love you like a sister – which technically you are, now since I am married to Ronald,” Luna said sweetly. “But Michael Corner and I are in the same House and he talked about that night in the Greenhouse.”
Ginny gasped. “He said he wouldn’t tell!”
“Oh, my poor Ginny, you’re so very much like the Amazonian Lake Fortainian; you’re far too trusting. And as everybody well knows, those misfortunate creatures were driven to extinction because of their trusting nature. Not only did Michael tell what you did in the Greenhouse, he wrote poems about it,” Luna added. “And you should know you’re not supposed to pull Mandrakes out of the soil that way.”
“Hey, although I really love to hear disturbing stories about the girl I used to date,” Harry interjected as he struggled with Ron, “I need some help here.”
“Should I stun him?” Hermione offered.
“No, I can take care of Ronald,” Luna said and walked in front of her husband. The blonde witch tugged her robes open and exposed her massive breasts. It was quiet effective. Ron stopped struggling all together and Harry felt his friend’s breath slow and his pulse lower as the red haired wizard stared dumbly at his wife’s boobs.
“Merlin, they’re huge,” Ginny murmured in awe as she became transfixed with her sister-in-law’s enormous mounds.
“Come here, Ronald,” Luna said coyly. “Your wife wants to spend some special time with you.”
Luna backed up toward the classroom Neville and Ginny had just left and Ron followed like a puppy. After the married couple disappeared in the room, Harry turned to Neville.
“Don’t worry about him,” Harry said in a reassuring way. “He’ll come around sooner or later.”
“Thanks Harry,” Neville began. “I appre-”
Neville had his statement cut short because loud moaning began to emanate from the classroom.
“They’re all ready going at it?” Ginny asked in a mixture of disbelief and horror.
“And at it and at it and at it,” Hermione added.
A muffled yet impassioned “Yes, right there!” filtered through the door, causing the four teenagers to feel even more uncomfortable then they already were.
“Let’s go fetch a snack,” Harry offered to Hermione, Ginny, and Neville. The three quickly agreed with Harry and the two couples rushed as fast as they could away from the loud and various noises coming from the classroom.
*
A few days later, Hermione came to the conclusion that they were ready to perform her wit-enhancing ritual. When asked about the need for the baseline as performed by a non-boosted couple, Hermione replied that the baseline could be examined later; she was ready (and randy) now. She and Harry went over the logistics of the ritual for two full hours. She drew a fairly detailed (it was an advanced form of stick figures, mind you, but that was very detailed given Hermione’s artistic abilities) drawing showing their position during the ritual. And she made sure that Harry had memorized the simple incantation he was to say when he climaxed:/ “Maximus Intellegentia”/
/ /When it was time to do the act, they converted the spare Head’s room into their ritual room. Basically, they just stripped the room of all of its furnishings and drew some symbols and runes on the floor. And for their comfort, they placed a Cushioning Charm on the floor as well.
“Now remember Harry, when you ejaculate, shout, ‘/Maximus Intellegentia’,” /Hermione reiterated as they both got naked.
Harry nodded his head distractedly. After all, the two of them were standing there quite nicely naked and his mind was focused on her lovely form.
“Okay, let’s get started,” he announced.
For the ritual to work properly, both Harry and Hermione had to be aroused. So they kissed and played with each other for a bit before they were able to start the actual ritual. And be certain, that when Harry ate out Hermione and she went down on him it was strictly for the ritual; neither enjoyed the activity… right, sure they didn’t.
Once they were good and aroused, Hermione took her position. First, she lay on her back. Then she hoisted up her hips and legs until she was able to place her calves under her shoulders. This obviously meant that her back had to be bent quite a bit. Even with her natural flexibility, Hermione would have had difficulties achieving this posture without the weeks of yoga practice.
Next, Harry took his position. His posture was very simple, especially compared to Hermione’s. All he had to do was face away from Hermione, place his feet on either side of her, and squat so that his bits were in front of Hermione’s flower. This meant that because of Hermione’s almost balled-up position, Harry’s naked bottom was very close to her face. Harry assumed that her view must not have been very appealing. But, judging by the playful bite placed on his left cheek, Hermione must’ve actually enjoyed looking at his bum.
“Let’s get going,” commanded Hermione.
Harry gently pushed into her and began to pump. It was a very awkward position and it took a few moments for Harry to get into the flow of it. But once he got it down, he found he rather liked it.
The way he was positioned, the only thing he could see of his girlfriend was her wonderful round bottom. This gave him ample opportunity to spank, rub, and massage her wondrous orbs.
And Hermione seemed to enjoy the odd position as well. She was happily shouting a “yes”/, “ah”/, or “oh” with every thrust. And Hermione cried out “SWEET BABY MAEVE!” twice. Harry reckoned that they would have to practice this position just for the pleasure of it, the ritual be damned.
A few minutes after they started, Harry felt his climax approaching.
“Maximus Intellegentia!” he shouted as he came.
A sudden wave of energy washed over him. He felt it pass through Hermione as well.
After they caught their breath, he helped his girlfriend to her feet and she asked “Did it work?”
“I don’t know,” Harry said. “Ask me something I shouldn’t know?”
“Okay, how was the Philosopher’s Stone able to prolong Flamel’s life?” she asked.
“Well, the Stone was used to create the Elixir of Life, a highly advanced healing potion. Not only did the Elixir cure sickness, but it fought off the effects of aging as well, thereby granting a form of immortality,” Harry stated.
“It worked!” heralded Hermione.
The couple spent the next day scouring the library. Harry read every course book from all five years of Ancient Runes and Arithmancy, whereas Hermione devoured nearly every book in the Restricted Second. Harry then had a very interesting debate with Hermione on how the laws of physics weren’t broken when magic was used, just slightly bent.
But when Harry woke up the fifth day after the ritual, he noticed something odd; he felt that the mental energy that had been with him since the ritual had dissipated. He had discovered that he had lost all the information he had learned while under the effects of the ritual. He remembered that he had read and understood all those books. But he could not recall anything he had learned. It was as if the things he learned was a dream, it had drifted away.
At first, Harry was a little perplexed by the duration of the affects of the ritual.
“Why did it only last a few days, Hermione?” he asked his girlfriend.
“It was just a simple ritual that was never meant to be permanent” she explained. “It is similar to the power boosting ritual you performed accidentally. If we wanted the affects to be longer lasting, we would need to make the ritual more difficult and complex.”
“More complex, eh?” Harry said with a wry grin. He was intrigued by the notion of using various poses and positions for the ritual. Perhaps they would start out by having Hermione lean against a wall and he would take her from behind, then the couple would move to the couch where she would ride him like a hippogriff, finally they would finish with some position where they were both twisted around each other like some erotic pretzel.
“Not more complex in a fun way, Harry,” Hermione corrected. “To make it permanent, we would have to integrate some form of sacrifice, usually blood from one of us. That’s why my power boost was permanent; we used the blood from my broken hymen as a sacrifice.”
After breakfast, Hermione came to the conclusion that they would need to have Ron and Luna perform the ritual to make sure that their results weren’t something of a fluke.
The two couples spent the next half hour going over the ritual in great detail. Hermione drew them a picture and answered all of Ron and Luna’s questions. Satisfied that they understood the ritual, the married couple got up and went into the spare room, leaving Harry and Hermione in the outer chamber.
A very short while later, a shout of “Maximus Intellegentia!” came from the spare bedroom.
“That was quick,” commented Hermione.
“You’re surprised?” Harry asked rhetorically with pride at his own stamina in comparison with Ron’s.
A few moments later, Ron and Luna came waltzing out of the room and sat on the couch across from Harry and Hermione.
“Okay Ron, Luna, how do you feel?” Harry asked. He was anxious to see if the ritual had worked.
“Much more smarter,” Ron answered. Harry became a little concerned by his friend’s answer. It wasn’t unusual for Ron to use improper English, but the ritual should’ve stopped him from doing so. Hermione shared a look with Harry that told him she was just as worried.
“What’s the square root of two?” Hermione asked Ron. This would prove to Harry if the ritual was a success or not. He was positive that Ron had no previous knowledge what a square root was. If the ritual worked, Ron should give the correct answer.
“A top hat!” Ron declared triumphantly. Luna gave her husband a congratulatory pat on the back for such a good answer.
“Um, I don’t think the ritual worked,” speculated Hermione.
“Luna, what’s your favorite color?” Harry asked the blonde witch.
“Eighty-five!” Luna answered happily.
“I think the ritual didn’t work,” Harry repeated Hermione’s conclusion.
“That’s my wife,” Ron announced. “The most smartest witch in the world!”
“It really didn’t work,” added Harry. “Is it because we had performed power boosting rituals and they didn’t?”
“No, I think they must’ve done the ritual incorrectly,” Hermione answered Harry as Ron and Luna watched them with glazed looks in their eyes. “And it actually lowered their intelligence instead of raising it. Maybe they did the act backwards, I mean physically backwards, not in backwards order.”
“How could they do it backwards?” asked Harry. “We drew them a picture.”
“Harry, we’re talking about a couple who/ ‘accidentally’ /had anal sex their first date,” Hermione pointed out. “That’s not something regular people do unintentionally.”
“Wait a minute,” Harry interrupted. Hermione’s comment gave him an idea as to how the married coupleperformed the ritual. “Um, when you guys did the ritual, did you do anything unusual?”
“Yes,” Luna said with a stupid smile. “Ronald missed and did me in the dirty place. Tee hee.”
Luna didn’t end her statement with a light giggle, she had actually said the phrase “Tee hee”.
“First of all; ow! Second:/ ew!” /Hermione said. “And third; this is actually helpful.”
“It is?” Harry asked, desperately trying to block the image of Ron accidentally sodomizing Luna… again.
“Yes, we can conclude that when the couple performs the ritual anally, it actually lowers the participants’ intelligence. Therefore, it’s possible that they could return to their normal intelligence if they performed the ritual correctly. It would counterbalance.”
“You want us to do it again?” Luna asked.
“Yes,” Hermione answered.
“Great!” Ron exclaimed. He immediately jumped off the couch and landed on his back with a thud. Before Harry and Hermione could stop him, Ron hoisted up his legs and grabbed his ankles and levered his bottom into the air. Luna than sprang into action. She leapt off of the couch and grabbed her husband’s hips and began to thrust her hips into his bottom. Thankfully for Harry and Hermione’s sanity, both Ron and Luna were still fully clothed.
“I… /un/… think… /oh/… it’s… /ah/…. working!” Luna grunted as she repeatedly slapped her pelvis against Ron’s bum.
“I’m more intelligenter,” Ron cried out.
“Maybe we should wait for it to wear off,” offered Harry.
“Yes, good point,” Hermione concurred. “Otherwise I think they’d just end up hurting themselves.”
*
The affects of Ron and Luna’s botched ritual didn’t wear off for two full days. The first day, Luna got in trouble for trying to use the sink in the boys’ lavatory as a toilet… three separate times. Ron got a week’s worth of detentions for demanding that Professor Slughorn needed to show him how to brew water (yes, water. The whole concept of the simple liquid confused and baffled Ron at that time). Of course, Ron had somehow snuck into Slughorn’s chambers and made his demand at three in the morning, hence the week-long detention.
The night after the failed ritual had worn off, Luna was in Harry and Hermione’s chambers seeking help on some of the notes she had taken during Charms. Because of the ritual, her notes consisted exclusively of drawings of flowers and unicorns. Thankfully, Hermione had kept her notes from the previous year and was helping Luna catch up. Harry was certain that if Ron wasn’t in detention, he would’ve been copying Hermione’s notes as well.
A soft, but urgent knocking drew the three teens’ attention to the door. Dobby, who had been folding Harry and Hermione’s clothes, opened the door and let Ginny walk in.
The youngest Weasley had a bright and glowing smile on her face. Judging by that look, Harry guessed that Ginny was nearly as happy as Tonks had been when she had introduced her son, Sirius. But another thing about Ginny’s appearance caught Harry’s eye. He noticed that the red haired witch had a funny gait to her walk. It was as if she was trying to hold an invisible quaffle between her legs as she made her way to where Harry and his friends were sitting.
“Are you okay Ginny?” Hermione asked with concern as the red haired witch waddled past Dobby who went back to tidying up something in the corner of the room.
“He’s as big as my forearm!” Ginny declared joyously.
“Excuse me?” Luna asked.
“He’s as big as my forearm!” repeated Ginny. This time, she held up her right arm as if to prove her point.
“Wait… you had sex with Neville?” Hermione asked. A smiling Ginny nodded her head in response. “Are you mad? If Molly finds out, she’ll force you to marry him!”
“No, she can’t,” Ginny said while grinning madly. “That old custom mum used to make Ron and Luna marry clearly states that at least one parent from each side must agree to the marriage. Since Neville’s parents are catatonic, they can’t agree so Neville and I can’t be forced to marry right away.”
“She’s right,” Luna pointed out. “The custom is very specific about both parents agreeing. It looks like Ginny and Neville are safe because of that loophole.”
“Not that I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of my life with Neville. He’s a sweet bloke and…” Ginny paused and held her arm up for dramatic effect before continuing. “HE’S AS BIG AS MY FOREARM!”
Luna and Hermione shared a look before the brunette witch asked: “Are you talking about length?”
“As big as my forearm!” Ginny highlighted this statement by pointing to an area near her elbow then to a spot just below her wrist.
“What about girth?” Luna inquired.
Ginny responded by trying to wrap her left hand around her right wrist. She added, “I compared the two to make sure!”
“Wow, you’re one lucky witch,” Luna congratulated lightly. It was clear to Harry that Luna was more than happy with Ron and had no intention of leaving him.
“Maybe I should’ve gone with Neville to the Yule Ball when he asked me, huh?” Hermione said with a chuckle.
Even though he was positive Hermione was joking, Harry had to defend his masculinity. It’s a thing men have to do; it’s buried in their genetic code. “One must prove how manly one is even if it’s only a joke.” Many wars had started over such things.
Harry proved his manhood in a unique way. He gently took Hermione’s hand in his and placed his thumb on a very specific spot.
“Oh, Harry, you know I’m kidding,” Hermione said with a chuckle. “You’re the only wiz-/OH!”/
/ /Harry interrupted Hermione’s apology by forcing his loved based magic into the Pleasure Pressure Point on the back of her hand.
“OH!” /she breathed out. “OH!”/
/ /As stated previously, Harry was able to tap into his love based magic much more efficiently than the first time he used this technique. Hermione tried to tug her hand free, but Harry held fast. He had to prove his point.
“Har-r-r-ry… s-s-s-stop… it,” she groaned out and Harry smiled devilishly.
“Not until you say that I am the best,” Harry said wryly.
Ginny stared at Hermione in surprise. She clearly didn’t know why the brunette witch was panting and groaning as if she were about to have an orgasm. Luna on the other hand was watching intently, as if making mental notes.
“You’re… the… b-b-best, H-har-ry,” Hermione moaned out.
“The best at what?” inquired Harry.
“I-I-I’ll m-make you p-pay,” Hermione growled.
“Hermione, what’s he doing to you?” Ginny asked. Her voice was full of worry.
Instead of saying/ “He’s using magic to make me climax”/, Hermione showed Ginny and Luna what Harry was doing.
Hermione bucked so hard that her hips flew up and off the couch a few inches. Then she curled up into a tight ball and leaned on Harry’s body as she trembled in passion.
As Hermione began to catch her breath, Luna explained to Ginny what had just happened.
“Harry and Hermione found a book that describes different forms of sex magic,” Luna informed. “And Harry has a unique talent when it comes to such magic. I’ve tried to get him to teach Ron on some of the techniques, just so that our relationship can grow.”
“I don’t need little tricks like that,” Ginny stated. “Not when my boyfriend has/ ‘The Whomping Willow’ /in his trousers.”
“I happen to think the techniques could be very useful,” Luna argued. “Take your brother for example, he can have sex a number of times and he can satisfy me completely. But I still think that our physical relationship can blossom so much more with such skills.”
“You can have all the techniques you like,” Ginny said. “Nev doesn’t need any silly tricks to satisfy me.”
“‘Silly tricks’? Are you questioning my boyfriend’s ability?” Hermione asked with a fiery gleam in her eyes.
“Not to be rude, but I’ve seen Harry naked,” the red haired witch said honestly. “He’s got nothing on my Neville.”
Before Harry could take offence at Ginny’s comment, Hermione leapt up from the couch.
“Oh, that’s it,” the brunette witch murmured angrily as she rush at Ginny. She spun the younger witch around and rapidly hoisted up her blouse to expose Ginny’s back. “I’ll show you /’silly tricks’./”
Hermione quickly placed her hand on the small of Ginny’s back, the same area that Harry had touched on Bellatrix’s back. It was evident that Hermione was going to apply her own magic on the most intense Pleasure Pressure Point.
Ginny began to moan immediately. A moment later, the witch’s knees began to tremble. And finally, Ginny cried out and collapsed to the ground. The whole ordeal took less than five seconds.
Hermione stood proudly over Ginny and said “/’Silly trick’ /my backside.”
“Wow,” Ginny panted.
“I wish Ronald could do that,” Luna bemoaned.
“Luna, we’ve lent you the book,” Hermione stated. “Why don’t you show him the chapter on Pleasure Pressure Points?”
“Because Ronald is a visual learner,” the blonde witch pouted. “He can read those chapters a dozen times and he won’t get it right until someone shows him how to do it.”
Harry and Hermione shared a look. They both felt pity over Luna’s predicament.
“How about we show him,” offered Hermione. “When he gets out of detention tonight, I’ll show Ron how to do the Pleasure Pressure Points on you.”
“Yeah, because if I do it I’ll send you to St. Mungos’,” Harry said while remembering what he had done to Bellatrix.
“No, I don’t think you should show Ronald,” Luna said with a sad frown. “Because even if you do teach him Pleasure Points, that would just lead to me wanting to learn more of your techniques; such as Harry’s cunnilingus skills. And I know both of you are shy and would never let us watch you two make love.”
Once again, Harry and Hermione looked at each other worriedly. They understood that Luna just wanted to embellish her and Ron’s love life, but she was right when she said that they would never allow Ron and Luna to stand by the side of the bed while they shagged.
“Don’t worry about it; Ronald’s a fine lover,” Luna said half heartedly. She leaned over and helped Ginny – who was stilling lying on the ground, panting – to her feet. “Just pretend I never asked you about that.”
The blonde witch led her sister-in-law out of Harry and Hermione’s apartment. Once the two witches left, Hermione turned to Harry and said; “I wish there was something we could do for them. They are our best friends.”
“But we can’t let them watch,” Harry said nervously.
“They’ve both seen us naked,” Hermione pointed out.
“Yes, but not doing anything intimate,” Harry retorted. He was about to add that Ron and Luna saw them in a post-coital state, but Hermione had been unconscious at the time and Harry didn’t want to tell her about that particular incident.
Hermione chewed on her lip before she suggested “Why not lend them your Invisibility Cloak. That way, they could watch us and we wouldn’t see them.”
“But we would still know they’re there,” Harry pointed out. “That would even be worst than seeing them because we wouldn’t know what they were up to under the cloak. They could get aroused by our lesson and start doing things unbeknownst to us.”
“You’re right,” Hermione said sadly. “I just wish we could help them; somehow show them what to do. But we have to do it without out them being in the room.”
Out of the blue, an idea came to Harry. He recalled Dumbledore’s lessons from the previous year where Harry saw Voldemort’s life through a series of Pensieve memories. He suddenly realized how he could help his best friend’s love life.
“We can use a Pensieve,” offered Harry. “I’ll eat you out, pausing once in a while to give pointers, and then we put our memories in a Pensive and give it to Ron and Luna as a gift.”
“That’s actually a good idea. That way, Ron and Luna could watch in a way,” Hermione agreed. Then the brunette witch got a devilish smile on her face and repeated, “That way Ron and Luna could watch.”
It was clear that she was getting turned on over the notion that someone was going to watch her being intimate with Harry, if only by proxy.
“When should we do it?” Harry asked. He really didn’t need to ask that question, judging by Hermione’s/ “come shag me eyes” and her wicked smile, he knew the answer would be “right now.”/
Without answering, Hermione led Harry into their room. Before he closed the door, Harry turned to Dobby and said, “Dobby, if anybody calls for us, tell them we’re… ah… tied up, okay?”
Inside their room, Hermione turned to an empty space on the wall and spoke as if someone was there; “Ron and Luna; Harry and I have decided to help you. You two are our best friends and so we are going to let you watch… in a fashion.”
Hermione sauntered over to Harry and slowly began undressing him. After she pulled his shirt over his head, she turned back to the empty space on the wall and said “The most important thing you have to do when you perform cunnilingus is trust each other. Ron, if Luna tells you to do something different, it isn’t a critique. She just knows what feels good to her and you need to listen to her.”
She turned to Harry and he knew from her expression that she wanted him to add some hints. So Harry turned his attention to the same wall and added “I have an advantage over most people because of my parsletongue ability. But I will go down on Her-”
“Harry, please don’t use such crude phrases,” interrupted Hermione. “Refer to it as/ ‘cunnilingus’./”
“Um, Hermione, Ron and Luna are going to be watching us pleasure each other,” Harry retorted. “I don’t think it really maters if we use sophisticated terms.”
“Good point,” Hermione said with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Anyway, as I was saying,” Harry continued to the wall. “I will go down on Hermione without using my parsletongue.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Harry saw Hermione pout slightly. Clearly she had become spoiled by his unique power.
“But as Hermione has said to you, Luna, my technique is still good,” Harry said.
Then Harry turned back to Hermione and the two began to undress each other. Once they were naked, Harry guided Hermione to lie on her back and he spread her legs wide.
“Now, I don’t know what you guys have done, so I’ll just go over the basics first. This is the vagina,” he said and gestured to Hermione’s flower. “It’s made up of several parts. Including, but not limited to the clitoris, the labia majora, and labia minora. Learn it, love it.”
Hermione chuckled at Harry’s comment.
“You can’t just go right after the clitoris,” Hermione said after she suppressed her soft laughter. “It’s really sensitive and you have to work your way up to it.”
“You can start by gently rubbing the labia and kissing it softly,” Harry said and demonstrated. Hermione purred softly as Harry worked her petals for a while.
“Once she’s ready, you can move on to the more advanced stuff,” Harry said.
“And trust me, Ron, you’ll know when she’s ready,” Hermione said with a saucy smile.
Harry then began presenting the/ “advanced stuff”. /He showed different ways to stimulate the clit. And he even showed how he could use both the tongue and fingers to satisfy a witch.
It took longer to please Hermione than it did when he used his parsletongue ability, but she was satisfied none the less. She cried out in passion a few minutes after Harry started. Panting, she turned back to the wall and concluded; “I hope you two have learned something that will help. Now it you’ll excuse me, I have to shag Harry rotten.”
Before Harry could react, Hermione pounced on him and guided his erect organ into her wetness.
“Do – ah/- you- /oh/- think – they’ll – /my goodness – like – yummy – the Pensieve?” she asked as she bounced up and down.
“If not, we can always make a new one and try again,” Harry grunted happily.
To Be Continued
Author’s Notes: The Book Bag gift (the Notably Toteable Library Satchel) is an homage (read: “stolen from”) Arya’s Harry Potter and the Acceptance of Fate. In my opinion, “Harry Potter and the Acceptance of Fate” is the best (and regrettably abandoned) fan-fiction out there.
I had this image of Ginny hobbling up to Harry and Hermione and proudly proclaiming that Neville was so endowed that she could use her forearm as a measuring tool several months ago. Then I read Dr. T’s “Re-Ordered” and I cursed when one character described another as being “As big as my forearm.” Damn.
Next Up: Horcrux Hunting! See, I remembered there’s more to this story besides smut.

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