Harry Potter and the Sword of Gryffindor
Chapter Thirty One: Tootsies and Booksies
Disclaimer: Not mine, I own nothing. Iβm not making any money.
WARNING: Harsh Language, adult themes, sexual situations (i.e. smut), bad spelling and grammar.
Authorβs Notes: This story is a broad farce with over the top humor (a good deal of it is crude and sexual) and OOC actions (thatβs Out Of Character if you donβt know). Also, this is my first smut-ish fic. If you donβt like sex and sex-based humor, do NOT read this!
Chapter Thirty One: Harry and Hermioneβs book gets printed and an old threat returns to loom over our heroβs head.
Harry and Hermione were about to finish performing The Double-Up Ward for the photo session. They considered this ritual to be key to the different protections being offered in their book, as this particular ward increased the strength and efficiency of all the other wards placed on the house of the participants by nearly one-hundred percent. This ritual was also especially enjoyable to perform as it called for the use of three of Hermioneβs favorite toys: her anal beads, ball-gag, and a leather covered paddle. These toys were tied, inserted, and whacked much to her pleasure. It also required that Harry take a double dose of virility potion because after he came in her cunny, he had to promptly remove the anal-beads and sodomize her. A task which our young hero felt was his privilege to complete.
While Harry simultaneously buggered and paddled his happily gagged girlfriend, Luna, who had retrieved the discarded anal beads, was sniffing the hard rubber toy out of intellectual curiosity while Ron wanked himself and snapped pictures of the sex ritual β fortunately, the magical camera only needed one hand to operate, allowing the red haired wizard to relieve himself without neglecting his responsibilities as photographer. A moment before Harry climaxed for the second time, another powerful orgasm hit Hermione. A touch of her drool had sprayed out of the corners of her mouth and the ball-gag as she screamed in ecstasy.
After unloading a warm, sticky and very personal present in Hermioneβs naughty place, Harry unclasped and removed the ball-gag letting Hermione take in a long, shuttering breath. Luna placed the rubber toy under her arm so that she could applaud.
βBravo,β cheered the blonde. βThat was fantastic!β
βI canβt feel my toes,β commented Hermione, with a satisfied glow to her face and body. Of course, that glow was significantly more pronounced on her spanked bottom, but that should go without saying.
After helping Hermione stand and guiding her to a comfy chair, Harry asked his friends, βWhat ritual should we do next?β
βHow about the Degnoming Ritual?β offered Luna after she checked the list of rituals.
Harry looked at his girlfriend, who was wriggling her toes while smiling and stating βNope, still canβt feel them. You really did a good job, Harry,β and the wizard sighed. The fact that he had shagged a portion of his girlfriend numb would normally be a noteworthy benchmark for the young wizard. However, having numb toes would hinder the Degnoming Ritual. This meant that either they would have to wait for Hermione to recover, or let Ron and Luna be the couple to perform the ritual. This, in Harryβs opinion, didnβt bode well.
Picking up on Harryβs apprehension, Ron announced βDonβt worry, mate. Luna and I can do it.β
βAre you sure?β the black haired wizard asked dubiously. It was a very simple ritual to execute: the couple had to take the missionary, and the witch needed to have her toes spread out wide while the wizard had to bend his left knee and hold his left foot in the air throughout the ritual. Ron and Luna had already performed a few dozen of the simpler rituals that had been created for the book. Unfortunately, the married couple had performed less of a third of them correctly. Sometimes they didnβt hold the position properly or, on more than one occasion, Ron βmissedβ his target and penetrated the wrong tender entrance on his wife. These fouled up rituals led to some very bad side-effects, including fires, toilets overflowing and flooding the loo, and windows shattering to name a few disasters.
βHow can we possibly muck this one up?β Ron asked rhetorically, dismissing Harryβs concerns.
Acknowledging that the Degnoming Ritual was the simplest procedure he and Hermione had created, Harry nodded his head β giving Ron the go-ahead β and took his place behind the camera. Harry shook his head in disappointment the moment Ron and Luna began making love. Ron kept kicking out his legs with each thrust, while Luna alternated between stretching out her toes and flexing them. Both of their actions utterly ruined the ritual. Shrugging his shoulders in defeat, Harry snapped a picture. He figured he would simply add these photos to the pile of Ron and Lunaβs failed attempts.
Once the married couple had completed the botched ritual, Harry looked out one of the windows when he heard some odd grunts emanating from outside. Peering down, Harry saw scores and scores of ugly gnomes milling about the exterior of the Shrieking Shack. Instead of repelling gnomes from the house and surrounding area, the muffed ritual drew the pesky creatures toward it.
SoG SoG SoG
The sun began to set on Sunday night as Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Luna cleaned up the Shack. This was a time consuming chore, seeing how the couples had sex scores of times all throughout the magically expanded house. Each room required several passes with cleaning charms in order to remove the ample amounts of semen and other sticky forms of residue that had accumulated during the previous three days.
While they each removed the various glamour charms and reverted to their natural appearances, Hermione asked Ron and Luna, βDo you want to go into Hogsmeade for something to eat?β
βNo, you two go ahead. Ronald and I have some excess sexual energy to burn off,β Luna informed them.
βHow can you have any more energy?β asked Harry. βWeβve all had so much sex over the last three days that I think my penis is in a coma.β
βIβm beat. Iβm not even going to think about sex for a week,β agreed Hermione. Knowing his girlfriend and how utterly kinky she was, Harry doubted Hermioneβs statement would hold up.
βMy Ronald is a super-charged-love-bunny,β Luna said and she smiled happily. βHe can go for days and days. Iβd offer for you to watch, but youβve seen us have sex one-hundred and twenty-one times since we began photographing the many rituals for the book.β
βYou counted?β asked Harry in surprise.
βOf course I did. And Ronald gave me three hundred and twelve wonderful orgasms,β Luna returned lightly as if Harryβs question was silly. βI told you, my Ronaldβs a super-charged-love-bunny.β
βWhat can I say; when youβve got it, youβve got it,β Ron said, his chest puffing up with pride. βCβmon sweetie, letβs make that three hundred and thirteen.β
βOh, at least,β chirped Luna.
βHave fun you two,β said Harry and he led Hermione out of the Shrieking Shack. The moment the door closed, they could hear Ron and Lunaβs moans of pleasure.
βLetβs go to Madam Puddifoots,β offered Hermione over Lunaβs emphatic shout of βOH GOD YES! RIGHT THERE!β
βThey serve food there?β asked Harry as he tried to ignore the loud squelching sound from behind the door.
βSandwiches and the like, I believe,β Hermione said and led her boyfriend away from the noisy Shack.
When they entered the teashop, Harry was struck at how dark it was inside: only a few candles were lit. Harry assumed that this was intentional; the lack of light was supposed to enhance the romantic mood of the teashop. A plump and jolly witch, obviously Madam Puddifoot herself, greeted Harry and Hermione at the door and led them to a table.
βIβve never been in here before,β commented Hermione in a hushed tone. Even though there was only one other couple in the restaurant, Hermione didnβt want anyone to be disturbed by β or listen in on β their conversation.
βThis is my second time,β stated Harry. With a coy smile, he added playfully βYouβre not going to pout and whine like Cho did, are you?β
βIβm no hosepipe, thank you very much,β the brunette said with a chuckle.
After the waitress took their order β Harry had butterbeer and a cucumber sandwich, while Hermione ordered elf-wine and a liverwurst and lettuce sandwich β Harryβs eyes adjusted enough to take in the shop. Tiny, cheap decorations littered the teashop and the damn cherubs that had been present when he and Cho had a date there were still all over the place. Then Harry noticed the only other customers; they were sitting against the wall a few feet away, looking into each otherβs eyes.
βCourtney? Malfoy?β he asked in surprise.
βWhat are you two doing here?β asked Hermione.
βOh, just going on a date,β informed Courtney. She had a pleasant β but naughty β smile on her lips whereas Draco looked like he was in some duress. Sweat coated his deeply furrowed brow, and his hands were gripping the edge of the table. His eyes, which were firmly fixed on the Auror in training, were half closed but they burned intensely.
βIs he okay?β asked Harry.
βOh, yeah, heβs just peachy,β announced Courtney. To prove this point, the witch bent over, took hold of the edge of the tablecloth, and flipped it up over their empty plates. Because of the darkened interior of the teashop, Harry couldnβt see the area under the table too clearly. All he could tell was that Courtneyβs shoes were off and had been placed to the side. He strained his eyes in order to see what Courtney was trying to show them.
βHere, let me give you a hand,β offered Courtney. She pulled out her wand and pointed it under the table. βLumos.β
The image Harry saw when the beam of light from Courtneyβs wand illuminated the space under the table both amazed and shocked him. Courtney had her bare feet in Dracoβs lap. And there, in between her feet, was βDraco, Jr.β so to speak. For several seconds, Harry couldnβt pull his eyes away from the scene before him. He was transfixed by the aforementioned amazing and shocking sight. Courtney worked her feet, rubbing, stroking, and massaging Dracoβs hard shaft. Her toes flexed and she deftly pinched his spongy crown between her surprisingly dexterous digits. Using the arch of her left foot to hold Dracoβs cock in place, Courtney dragged the ball and toes of her right down the underside of his shaft. The blond wizard rolled his head back and groaned as Courtney squeezed his manhood between her feet.
Mercifully, Harry was finally able to look away. It didnβt bother him that Courtney was giving a bloke a foot-job. What was troubling Harry was the fact that the John Thomas that Courtney was rubbing with her feet belonged to Draco. That would scare any rational person, he thought.
In order to avert his eyes from the sight, Harry fixed his gaze on Hermione. Unlike Harry, Hermione was unable to look away. Her expression was a mixture of interest, wonder, and disgust β Harry felt it was safe to assume that she felt interest and wonder over Courtneyβs talented tootsies and the same level of disgust that Harry had over seeing Dracoβs exposed and erect member.
βThatβs amazing, Courtney,β congratulated Hermione with her nose scrunched up in distaste.
βItβs not too shabby, is it?β the Auror in training said with pride. βSome girls can tie a cherry stem into a knot with their tongue. I can use my toes to unzip a blokeβs trousers, pull his beef out, and wank him off. Which do you think is the more useful talent out of the two?β
Then, Draco grunted loudly and Courtney giggled girlishly. Clearly he had just blown his load and shot it all over her feet and shins.
Hermione politely applauded and stated, βYou are a master, Courtney.β
βThank you,β the witch replied and bowed her head, accepting Hermioneβs praise. βWatch this.β
He knew he was going to regret it, but Harry couldnβt help but turn his attention back to the other couple. He watched as Courtney took hold of Dracoβs softening member between her feet, she pushed the fleshy organ back into his trousers, and then she pinched his zipper between her first two toes and zipped his trousers shut.
βTa-da!β cheered Courtney, throwing her arms over her head triumphantly.
βSo I take it you two have hit it off?β asked Hermione.
Draco blushed and smiled demurely. The fact that Harry could refer to another blokeβs expression with such feminine terms frightened our hero. Did Harry subconsciously detect a touch of femininity in his school-nemesis? Harry gulped; perhaps he wasnβt out of the dreaded βDraco wants to bugger meβ predicament as he had previously thought.
βNo, weβre horrible together,β Courtney playfully replied to the brunetteβs question. βOf course we hit it off, you silly witch! Do I need to show you his spunk on my feet as evidence to prove this?β
βPlease donβt,β Hermione winced.
βWell, you two enjoy your dinner,β Courtney said and stood. She took the blond wizardβs hand and guided him out of his seat. βDraco and I are going to take care of his virginity problem.β
βCourtney,β Draco said with embarrassment.
βAnd just think, a few days ago you believed that Harry would be the one to pop your cherry,β Courtney returned impishly. Dracoβs blush deepened. βOf course, that wouldβve happened after you buggered him.β
At this point, Draco was such a brilliant red that he looked as if he had fallen asleep in the middle of the Gobi Desert and had received a severe sunburn from the exposure. This change in complexion warned Harry that Draco was not ashamed of his failed plan to woo and seduce the black haired wizard. In fact, Harry assumed that his school-nemesis was nervous and a little embarrassed by it, but not opposed to it. Harryβs concern that Draco still held a flame for him worsened. As Dracoβs face continued to glow, Harryβs turned pale.
βTaβ,β Courtney said with a wave and she led Draco out of the tea shop. While the other couple was still within earshot, Harry could hear Courtney say affectionately to the blond wizard, βIβm going to conjure up a bit of silk ribbon and tie it around the base of your cock β not only to wrap it as a present to myself, but to help you from cumming too quickly.β
Harry, who was still fretting over Dracoβs dubious orientation, had not noticed the naughty look in his girlfriendβs eyes. He was drawn out of his bothersome thoughts when he felt a pair of bare feet slide into his lap.
βErr, what are you doing?β he asked as Hermioneβs feet fumbled gently on his crotch.
βTrying something new,β she replied. Harry recalled his earlier assumption that his kinky girlfriend had spoken too soon when she said earlier she wouldnβt even think about sex for days. The show that Courtney had given them had only encouraged Hermione and her sexually adventurous streak. After a moment of clumsy motions of attempting to grab hold of his zipper between her toes, she requested βOpen your trousers and pull βHarry, Jr.β out.β It appeared that Hermione was concentrating on the task at foot to use the proper term for penis and had instead used Harryβs pet nickname for his manhood.
Not being one to pass an opportunity at any form of sex, Harry willingly did as requested. Hermione held the tip of her tongue between her teeth and had one eye shut in concentration. βHarry, Jr.β was just starting to wake up β the organ was more than eager to try something new β when something horrible happened. You see, if either Harry or Hermione had asked Courtney, she wouldβve possibly told them that they needed to practice a bit before jumping right into the delicate art of a foot-job. Perhaps some time spent using a banana in proxy for the real thing until Hermione got the required gentle force and dexterity down. Unfortunately, the young couple discovered first hand (or is that first foot in this case?) that without hours of trial and error performed on inanimate objects to learn the intricacies of foot-jobs, mistakes happen. The particular mistake that Hermione committed dealt with her losing control and accidentally dropping the heel of her foot on Harryβs tender and hypersensitive testicles.
When the waitress came back with the two sandwiches and drinks, she must have been quite surprised to see Hermione who had her wide, guilt-filled eyes fixed on Harry as he had his head on the table with tears of pain welling up in his eyes.
Once the waitress left, Hermione asked βIβm going to have to work a lot to make this up to you, arenβt I?β
βYes, yes you are,β Harry half groaned, half whimpered.
SoG SoG SoG
For the next two weeks, all of Hermioneβs free time was entirely devoted to writing the book and serving her punishment for accidentally dropping her foot on Harryβs genitals. This retribution was paid with blowjobs while he ate breakfast, intense spanking sessions after morning lessons before lunch, anal sex in cupboards after dinner, and tittie-shagging before they fell asleep. As punishments went, Hermione thought hers were fairly enjoyable β especially the buggering and paddling.
It was decided upon by Harry and Hermione that since most of the photos of Luna and Ron showed the improper way to perform the rituals that the magical pictures of the married couple would be used in the book as warnings in a βDo Not Attempt the Rituals This Wayβ section. Each of that pairβs photos would contain alerts, notifying the reader the dangers of performing the ritual incorrectly. Such as drawing gnomes in droves or setting the house on fire.
To create the various pages of the book, Hermione used Sticking Charms to attach a photo onto a piece of parchment. She would then write lengthy directions, precautions, and a list of benefits under the photos. Even using wizarding photographs, some rituals needed multiple photos and several pages of directions, warning, and benefits. Once she was finished writing each page, she cast a special charm to turn her writing into block letters to make it look professional.
Finally, after hundreds of pages were composed and properly illustrated, Hermione set her quill down and announced proudly, βMy first book is finished!β This was promptly followed by the brunette witch growling like a hungry puma and pouncing on Harry before shagging his brains out.
βCALL ME AN AUTHOR AND SLAP MY BOTTOM!β she cried out as she pounded herself on Harryβs lap, forcibly driving βHarry, Jr.β into her sex.
SoG SoG SoG
βLuna, have you talked to your father about printing our book yet?β Hermione asked during lunch the next day.
βYes, he informed me through a post I received yesterday that heβs made the necessary changes to switch the printer so that it can print and bind books,β the blonde said with a dreamy smile. βWe can start this weekend.β
βThat will be fabulous,β Hermione said. Her voice was a touch husky with a hint of lust.
βWe still have to settle on a name then shouldnβt we?β asked Harry. βWe canβt print a book without a title.β
βI know,β Ron stated. βHow about βRon Weasley and the -β
βNo, Ron!β Hermione said, cutting him off irritably. βWeβve been through this already.β
βMate,β Harry began, βyou have to remember the book is not about you. Itβs never been about you. I donβt know why you or anyone would think that the book focuses on you.β
βIf anyone should have their name before the title, it should be Harryβs,β Hermione continued. βIt was because his love power base that we stumbled upon the original book. And heβs the one who came up with the plan to write a new one to help the people of wizarding Britain. So if the bookβs title was going to contain anyoneβs name, it would read βHarry Potter and the…β. Definitely not βRon Weasley and the…ββ
βTheyβre right, Ronald,β Luna added, soothing her husband before he could retort with one of his illogical and baseless arguments. βAnyway, we were using disguises and aliases. So even if this was an alternate reality where the book inexplicably ended up focusing on you, it could never be a story about βRon Weasleyβ.β
βI think we should use the title Harry suggested but with a minor change,β speculated Hermione. βI think we should call it βBooks of Love Magic: Volume Oneβ.β
βWait β βVolume Oneβ? Do you mean you plan on writing more?β asked Harry. The dark and lustful look in Hermioneβs eyes told him her answer as well as informing him that they would be devising and practicing new rituals for the next book within a few hours.
βHow do we plan on selling it?β asked Luna.
βWell, Alicia works at Franklinβs of Cardiff, so we can probably sell it there,β offered Harry, slightly distracted by the lusty look in his girlfriendβs eyes β which were growing darker and darker with want and desire by the second. So much so that Harry had to reassess his estimated time. Judging by the look his lover was giving him, he assumed that the moment they stepped out of the Great Hall, Hermione would drag Harry to a nearby broom cupboard. The notion of being a published author was making Hermione so randy that Harry reckoned that his lover must have been practically dripping by that point. Of course, the mere idea of his lover being so turned on caused Harry to become aroused himself.
βAnd we should have Fred and George market it,β Ron added, clearly happy to add something useful to promote the plan, for a change. βAfter all, they do a bang up job promoting the joke shop. I think theyβd do wonders for the book.β
βThat would be great,β Harry agreed. βAfter we stop by Lunaβs dadβs, weβll head over to the twinsβ shop and talk to them about it.β
βThis will be wonderful!β cheered Luna. βAs to which one of us should get top billing so to speak, I think since Hermione has done all of the work, her nom de plume should get be first, with our names listed as her co-contributors at best.β
Bolstered by Lunaβs declaration making her the main author, Hermione dropped all pretenses and snaked her hand into Harryβs trousers. After his lover gave βHarry, Jr.β a squeeze and a stroke, Harry decided to copy Hermioneβs actions and he slid his hand up her skirt, pushed his fingers under her knickers, and wriggled into her moist folds. After all, Harry prided himself on fair-play and being a gentleman. And if he didnβt slide two fingers deep into her already hot, wet, and quivering sex while she wanked him off, it would be rude and inconsiderate of him.
βYou two are so deliciously kinky!β cheered Luna, knowing full well what Harry and Hermione were doing in the middle of the crowded Great Hall. βJust like Stripped-Kildrickles during mating session!β
βLuna, would you mind casting a Silencing Charm on Hermione?β requested Harry as his lover closed her eyes in near ecstasy. βYou know how much of a screamer she is.β
βOh, poo,β bemoaned Luna with an exaggerated pout. βHermioneβs boisterous cries of passion are very entertaining. Not hearing her scream out βSweet Baby Maeveβ every so often would be a dreadful disappointment for me.β
βWeβll make it up to you later,β Hermione groaned out.
βI want arse-to-mouth,β demanded the blonde dreamily. βThatβs how you can make it up to me. I get to watch Harry bugger you, Hermione, then he has to cum in your mouth and you must swallow like the dirty witch you are.β
βLuna!β Harry said in shock and scandal.
ββFine, just have a mouth-cleansing charm ready for me afterwards,β Hermione said. Clearly she was not shocked or scandalized in the slightest over this demand. In fact, her eyes darkened even more. Obviously, Hermione was keen to try this new and naughty activity. Harry eyed his girlfriend appreciatively: would there ever be a time where he wouldnβt be amazed at just how kinky Hermione could be?
Having gotten her way, Luna giggled triumphantly before twirling her wand and casting the Silencing Charm on Harry and Hermione. The timing of this charm was impeccable, for Hermione cried out a mere second after it was cast. Judging by how much she flowed into his hand, Harry guessed that her scream wouldβve echoed off the walls.
If the charm was not in place, Harry knew that loud squelching sounds would be emanating from Hermione. Her honey dripped off of his fingers as he continued to pump and rub away. Of course, Harry was not one to point fingers β even if those fingers werenβt busy stimulating his lover. He, too, was making wet squelching sounds. Thanks to his girlfriendβs firm and loving touch, sizable amounts of pre-cum dripped out of βHarry, Jr.βs eye.
While he stimulated Hermione and she him, Harry scanned his fellow students gathered in the Great Hall. Once in a while, someone would look in Harry and Hermioneβs direction. Thankfully, these people seemed not to notice what the couple was doing despite their bright red and sweat covered faces. Everyone was too caught up in their own dealings to have noticed the impromptu hand-job session occurring at the Gryffindor table.
Luna had her elbows on the table and chin perched on her hands and she watched Harry and Hermione happily. There was a joyous twinkle in her eyes and a pleased grin on her face. It was clear that Luna had openly embraced her new voyeur leanings. When Hermioneβs second climax struck, the blonde witch complimented Harry at his task; βHarry, youβre doing a splendid job.β
Obviously, both Ron and Luna were enjoying the show. However, whereas Luna was merrily content to watch, Ron looked as if he was having difficulty not masturbating himself right there and then. The wizardβs hands kept clenching into fists while beads of sweat blossomed all over his face.
Noticing her husbandβs discomfort, Luna said in a soothing voice, βThat erection of yours must be terribly uncomfortable, dear. Your penis is confined in your trousers, all scrunched up, throbbing away, and begging for release. I, too, am aching just watching. But since you and I arenβt as adventurous as Harry and Hermione, we canβt take care of our urges here in public. Once they finish, Iβll take you to a cupboard and weβll fix our problems.β
Finally, Harry shot his load down his trouser leg. Being the naughty witch that she was, Hermione made a show of licking her fingers.
Harry was about to make a comment regarding how lucky he was to have Hermione as a lover when he noticed something he had not seen before. From his seat at the Slytherin table, Draco had his grey eyes firmly locked on Harry. The blond wizard had a coy, impish smile while he winked theatrically at Harry.
βUm, we have to talk to Courtney and see how things went with Malfoy,β Harry gulped.
βYou just got wanked by your girlfriend and the first thought you have is about Malfoy?β Ron asked snidely. βYou canβt be that interested in that gitβs love life, can you?β
βIf it will save me from being buggered, then yes, I am interested.β
SoG SoG SoG
After explaining that they were leaving the castle for an important, yet ambiguous, errand, Harry, Hermione, Luna, and Ron used McGonagallβs fireplace to floo-travel to the Lovegood home.
Taking Lunaβs odd intricacies into account, Harry was expecting that the Lovegood home would be unique to say the least and attempted to prepare himself for this. Despite this preparation, what Harry saw while picking himself off the floor after he gracelessly tumbled out of the floo shocked him.
Doilies.
Hundreds, if not thousands, of round lace and linen doilies of every size and design littered the house. There were doilies carefully placed under each foot of every piece of furniture. Instead of throw pillows, frilly doilies lovingly graced the squashy chairs and couch. Dozen were placed on top of books as dust covers and some small doilies were placed in several books as page-markers. Scores were hung from the walls like fine pieces of art. Some of the larger cloth circles were placed strategically like stepping stones on the floor to guide guest to the kitchen and loo.
βDaddy has a penchant for doilies. Heβs collected quite a number of them,β informed Luna conversationally as if everyone had such a peculiar hobby.
βI… I can see that,β Harry said in wide-eyed wonder.
A wizard with a touch of grey in his blond hair came bounding out of the hallway. The wizard, obviously Lunaβs father appeared perfectly normal and sane. But the doily that he wore at a jaunty angle on top of his head in lieu of a hat shattered this appearance.
βLuna, my darling daughter!β he greeted the blonde witch with an affectionate hug.
βHello, Daddy!β she returned and kissed his cheek.
βNow, dear, Iβve made the necessary adjustments to the printer so that it will make books instead of my highly informative and entertaining newspaper,β stated Mr. Lovegood. βBut I canβt stay around and help you out. Thereβs a wonderful doily convention in Berlin that I simply must attend. Theyβll be displaying the new Smithenhoff pattern today and I canβt miss that!β
βDonβt worry, Daddy, Iβll handle everything,β Luna said cheerfully.
βBrilliant! Well, then, Iβm off!β Mr. Lovegood said before dashing to the fireplace. He threw a pinch of floo into the flames and shouted βThe Berlin Convention Centre!β before disappearing.
βThe printer is this way,β stated Luna, leading the others down into the houseβs cellar. Of course, the steps leading down to the cellar were covered with doilies, much like the rest of the house.
A massive contraption made out of wood, iron, and rock with steam-pipes, bells, knobs, dials, and leavers dominated the cellar. On one end of the device was a small drawer and the opposite side had a hole that opened onto a conveyor belt.
βItβs fairly simple to operate; you put the source material into this drawer,β said Luna, pointing to the drawer. βThen the patented Lovegood Publishing Apparatus will copy, print, and bind the material. The finished product will come out on the conveyor belt.
βIs the book ready? Everything is in order the way you want it?β Luna asked Hermione.
βYes,β Hermione replied. The brunette witch pulled the large, neat, and orderly stack of parchment that she had worked so tirelessly on out of her bag and handed it to Luna. βBut I havenβt made a book cover yet.β
βOh thatβs simple; the patented Lovegood Publishing Apparatus will make one for us,β the blonde replied and took the stack of parchment from Hermione and set it in the drawer. She turned back to Hermione and asked, βHow does a nice faux-leather cover dyed light red sound to you?β
βThat would be lovely,β Hermione answered with a smile.
Luna pulled out her wand and tapped the machine several times in a seemingly random pattern for several seconds. Then the machine began to make a groaning noise that reminded Harry of the sounds that would emanate from Dudleyβs stomach when the obese boy had not eaten his weight in bacon for a period of longer than four hours. The drawer closed on its own and the groaning grew louder and louder. The machine began to vibrate and shake violently. In a matter of moments, the machine made a loud, wet, belching sound and a large red book dropped out of the opening and landed on the conveyor belt.
With a noticeable tremble in her hands, Hermione carefully picked up the freshly printed book. Lovingly, she caressed its face which bore in elegant, gold lettering; βBooks of Love Magic, Volume One by Mona Puckle with Tim Hunter, Neil Gaiman, and Perky Weatherby.β With her eyes shimmering, she looked at Harry and euphorically announced, βIβm an author!β
Directly after this proclamation, Hermione had an orgasm so powerful that her knees gave way. Hermione loved books so much that holding one that she actually wrote was enough to send her to the heights of physical rapture. The machine belched again and another book was deposited on the conveyor belt. And Hermione groaned even louder. Harry watched intently as his lover moaned and trembled while clutching the book to her breast. And needless to say, βHarry, Jr.β was urgently suggesting that they should go over there, pull Hermioneβs knickers down, and help with her orgasms. This seemed like a novel idea to Harry; after all, he was Hermioneβs boyfriend and it was his right as such to participate and share in her orgasms.
When the fourth book was printed β corresponding with Hermioneβs fourth orgasm β Luna advised, βPerhaps we should take Hermione out of here? It seems that sheβs having a climax every time a book is printed. Not that I donβt enjoy watching her ecstasy β which I truly do β but I think that Hermione may be in danger of dying of dehydration. This is a likely outcome since weβre going to print eight hundred copies in this initial run.β Lunaβs stating of the projected number of copies triggered yet another body jarring climax for Hermione.
After scooping her up in his arms, Harry carried Hermione out of the cellar. While they walked up the stairs, Hermione continuously shivered and muttered, βIβm an author! β OH! β Iβm an author! β OH!β
SoG SoG SoG
Once Hermione recovered β which included a quick yet completely shattering shag where she had clutched her book to her bosom and had wrapped her legs around Harry as he pounded away at her and the brunette shouted βIβM AN AUTHOR!β continuously, then a shower β the two couples made their way to Weasleysβ Wizard Wheezes in Diagon Alley. Instead of the standard bell chiming when the door open, a loud, obnoxious, pants-staining fart sounded as the four friends walked into the shop.
Much like every other store in Diagon Alley, the twinsβ shop was devoid of customers. The threat of Voldemort and his minions had scared everyone into hiding in their homes.
Obviously drawn to the sound of the unique door βchime,β Fred came strolling around the corner.
βWelcome to Weasleysβ Wizard Wheezes!β he greeted the two couples.
βFred, why are you wearing a blindfold?β asked Harry curiously.
βAh, itβs you, Harry,β stated Fred without removing his blindfold. βAre there any witches ofβ¦ ahem, advanced age with you?β
βNo.β
βAre you sure?β
βItβs just me, Hermione, Ron, and Luna,β Harry informed.
βBrilliant! George, itβs safe to come out!β Fred called out while tugging off his blindfold. He blinked as his eyes became accustomed to the light.
βWhatβs with you two?β demanded Ron.
βItβs bloody Remus,β Fred began hotly as his twin took his place at his side.
βHe pranked us back at Ginnyβs birthday,β added George with an equal amount of anger to his voice.
βEver since then, weβve been forced to see through old witchesβ clothing.β
βDo you have any idea of how much tits sag on a ninety year-old witch?β asked Fred.
βWe do regrettably,β answered George, and both twins shivered in disgust.
Harry and Hermione shared a guilty look. It appeared that the little prank they pulled on Fred and George months ago was still in effect. Perhaps Harryβs power-boost had an unforeseen result, extending the length of the short-term spell.
βAnd the worst part is that Remus claims he had nothing to do with it,β continued Fred.
βYeah, says he couldnβt have done it cause he wasnβt even there that night,β George stated.
βBut we know heβs a Marauder. Little things like that wouldnβt stop him from pulling a prank.β
βSo you two answer the door to your shop with blindfolds on, just in case your customer is an old witch?β asked Luna.
βItβs a necessary precaution in order not to see drooping and sagging bits and pieces,β answered George sagely.
An idea popped up in Harryβs head. He gave Hermione a look that told her to play along. But this look also asked Hermione to remain silent because Harry was about to lie. And since his lover was such a horrible liar, he knew that if she tried to help Harry, sheβd give everything away and ruin his plan. The black haired wizard turned back to the twins and offered, βWhat if we convinced Remus to lift the curse?β
βThat would be bloody fantastic!β cheered Fred.
βToo right, weβd owe you so much if you could do that,β George said.
βThatβs great because we need a favor from you two,β stated Harry.
βIf you got Remus to end this horrific and penis-shriveling prank, Iβll convince Fred to go down on you,β offered George. To which Fred nodded his head enthusiastically. Clearly, the continual shock of seeing every elderly witch naked had taken its toll on the twins; they were willing to do anything in order for it to end.
βWell, instead of sickening sexual favors, how about you two just promote a book for me?β Harry asked.
βWhat kind of a book?β one of the twins asked.
βA book on sex magic,β answered Harry as he handed Fred one of the copies.
Fred thumbed through the book with George looking over his shoulder. βMerlin, we heard about the Pensieves you two passed around Hogwarts, but we didnβt realize that you had grown so bloody kinky,β said George as he eyed one of the many photos in the book.
βThatβs not us,β objected Hermione. βTheyβre friends of ours. You wouldnβt know them.β
As stated previously, Hermione was a poor liar. One might easily argue that the witch was a pathetic fibber. Her voice, which was warbling noticeably, was much higher than normal and her face burned a bright red as she denied Georgeβs assumptions. Of course, this only served to confirm said assumption.
βCor, Hermione, youβre a nimble minx,β commented Fred after turning another page.
βI swear this will help us get over the trauma of seeing naked decrepit witches,β added George while looking at one of the pictures with wide, impressed eyes.
βSWEET BUGGERING MORGAN LA FEY!β exclaimed Fred after he turned further into the book. βItβs always the smart witches, isnβt it?β
With a proud smile on his lips and in his eyes, George walked to Harry and hugged him. George said with naked pride, βHang on to her, my boy. Donβt let her go.β
βGetting back to the matter at hand,β Hermione interrupted. Fred turned the book on its edge so that he could get a better angle on one of the photos. βAny suggestions as to how you two can promote this book?β
βOh, we have some β SHE SWALLOWS?β cried out Fred. Once again, George pulled Harry into a tight embrace and spoke softly and earnestly, βDo not ever let her go. Every bloke should cherish a bird that does anal and swallows.β
βHey, so does Luna!β Ron offered, clearly hoping to earn some of his brothersβ praise.
βShe does?β George asked in awe.
βWhere the hell do you two find such magnificently adventurous and open minded witches?β Fred asked Ron and Harry. βAnd can you find a set for George and me?β
βThe last time we asked a bird if we could bugger her, she slapped us in the face and we never heard from her again,β explained George.
βWait, βweβ and βusβ?β Harry asked. βDonβt tell me both of you were asking the same girl at the same time?β
βWhy not?β
βWeβre twins.β
βWe do everything together.β
βEven the same witch.β
βYeah, theyβve got three holes after all and there are two of us.β
βPlenty of entry points, if you ask us.β
βCourse weβve only had access to two of those holes and, unlike Harry and our dear brother, have been denied the third, and most prized, hole.β
βHow are you going to promote it?β interrupted Hermione, hoping not to hear any more on how much the twins shared.
βWeβll think of something,β replied the twins in unison.
βWhere do you plan on selling this?β asked Fred. βItβs not like Flourish and Blotts will carry this.β
βWe were thinking about Franklinβs of Cardiff,β answered Harry. βAlicia works there.β
βSpeaking of which, we better head over there and see if sheβll even sell the book before you two start making plans on how to hype it,β Hermione said to the twins.
βOh, donβt worry. We wonβt be thinking of any plans today,β George said.
βYeah, weβll be wanking like mad over this book for the next few hours or so,β added Fred.
βHey, you do realize that one of the blokes in those pictures is me, right?β Ron asked, shaken over the notion that his brothers were planning on pleasuring themselves over photos that depicted him.
βDonβt worry, dear brother,β assured Fred. βWe wonβt wank while looking at you.β
βWe will, however, gladly and unreservedly wank while ogling your wife,β offered George.
βSheβs got wonderful knockers,β complimented Fred.
βEpic, they are,β added George.
βWhy, thatβs so sweet,β Luna said sincerely while blushing at Fred and Georgeβs crude compliments. βIβd pop open my blouse and give you a live viewing of them out of appreciation of your kind words. But as youβre Ronaldβs brothers, thatβd be inappropriate to do.β
Before the twins could voice a protest, Harry asked the top-heavy blonde, βIf you donβt mind, could I take a gander?β
βOf course I donβt mind, Harry. Donβt even hesitate to ask,β Luna said with a genuine smile. βOnce weβre out of view of the twins, Iβll open my blouse and you can look to your heartβs content.β
βWait a tick, Harry and Ron are best friends,β Fred began to argue.
βTheyβre practically brothers,β continued George.
βAnd we need to see a set of young breasts…β
β… especially after being forced to see ancient witchesβ sagging tits for months.β
βIβm sorry to say thereβs a whole world of difference between βlike a brotherβ and βis a brotherβ,β Luna pointed out, denying the twinsβ request yet again.
βI say you show βem,β offered Ron. βJust so they can see just what I get to play with every night.β
βAnd every morning,β corrected Luna, βas well as most afternoons. But since youβve given me permission to expose myself to your brothers, Iβll gladly do it. After all, I do so love letting my breasts out in the open air.β
βPrepare to be amazed,β Harry told the twins.
Luna presented her covered chest to Fred and George and theatrically threw her blouse open. The twinsβ eyes bounced in time with Lunaβs own βtwinsβ as her giant orbs sprang free.
βOh, those are…β Fred muttered.
βSpectacular,β stated George.
βNow remember, look but donβt touch,β Ron warned. βAs her husband, Iβm the only one who can touch her titties.β
βBesides me that is,β announce Hermione, as she stepped up behind Luna. The brunette wrapped her arms around Lunaβs sizable chest and playfully pinched both of her large nipples for everyone to see. This action caused Luna to giggle, which in turn caused her to jiggle.
The twins and Ronβs faces went white as sheets as every ounce of blood raced to their respective organs to reinforce their rapidly growing erections caused by the sight of one witch playing with anotherβs boobs. Harry knew this was happening to the Weasley brothers because the exact same thing was happening to him.
βUm, okay, weβll get started on ideas to promote your book,β George said in a very small voice.
βThat is after weβve wanked ourselves raw,β Fred, whose voice was equally small, adjusted.
βThat goes without saying,β concluded his twin.
βWhile you two are doing that, weβll take our witches into a dark alley and have them take care of our erections,β teased Harry.
βRub it in, why donβt you,β Fred said with a touch of envy.
βThatβs a wonderful idea!β cheered Hermione. βIβll have Harry cum on my bottom and he can rub it in.β
The twins were about to make a witty retort, but another of Hermioneβs frolicsome pinches of Lunaβs nipples took their breath away.
βEnjoy masturbating,β teased Harry as he led his lover and their friends out of the shop.
βWe will,β replied Fred and George.
SoG SoG SoG
At Franklinβs of Cardiff, Harry told Alicia about the book while Hermione, Luna, and Ron browsed the toy section of the sex shop. Every once in a while, Harry could hear Hermione giggle excitedly β presumably she would do this over some new sex toy or product.
βYou two are certainly kinky arenβt you?β Alicia asked while scanning through the book.
Realizing that denying the truth would be pointless, Harry forged ahead and asked, βDo you think you could sell the book here?β
βSure, little good it will do,β she replied. βI havenβt had a customer in days. And the last one only bought a pair of discounted knickers and nothing else. Most days, it doesnβt pay to even open the doors.β
βWeβve got Fred and George on marketing,β informed Harry. βHopefully theyβll be able to raise interest.β
βThat should be interesting. Knowing those two, it should be something big and spectacular,β Alicia commented. The witch paused on one page in particular and her eyes bulged. She held it up so Harry could see the picture, and asked, βDidnβt this hurt?β
βYou have to stretch up a bit before you try it. There are a few exercises in the first chapter so that you and your boyfriend can do it without hurting yourselves,β Harry informed, not bothered in the slightest about giving hints on sexual positions to his former Quidditch teammate.
Hermione finally came running up to the counter and deposited an armful of toys and gadgets.
βLooks like youβre going to be busy tonight, Harry,β Alicia commented as she tallied up all of Hermioneβs toys. The witch paused and held up a rubber plug and announced βFrom what Iβve heard and what Iβve seen in this book, Iβm positive youβll like this one.β
After Harry paid for Hermioneβs toys, Alicia sniffed the air and asked βWhy do you lot smell of sex?β
βThatβs because Ronald and I, as well as Harry and Hermione, had sex in the alley just before we came in,β explained Luna. βHarry came on Hermioneβs bottom.β
βAh, thatβs why the odor is so potent,β Alicia said with a smile.
SoG SoG SoG
After stopping in their chambers, where Harry stuffed one of Hermioneβs new toys β a ribbed, pink, bum-plug β up her bottom, the young couple made their way to the Great Hall for dinner. As they walked… well, as Harry walked and Hermione limped β he proudly commented, βYou are such a kinky girl.β
βAnd you love it,β Hermione said with a smile.
βOh God, yes.β
βThen you better heed the twinsβ suggestion: βNever let me go,ββ she said with no shame as the plug wriggled in her bottom with each step.
βOh, Iβll never let that happen,β Harry said and placed an affectionate kiss on her cheek. Jokingly, he added, βIt would be downright stupid of me to let a girl who likes to swallow leave.β
βAnd donβt forget buggering,β offered a familiar voice. Courtney strolled around the corner and clarified, βNever let a girl go who likes to get bum-shagged. Theyβre definitely a keeper.β
βVery true,β Hermione said with a nod.
βSpeaking of buggery; is that why youβre walking with a limp?β Courtney asked as she fell in step with the teen lovers. βDid Harry roger you so hard that he hobbled you?β
βNo, as a matter of fact, I have a rather large and exceedingly pleasant plug up my bottom,β Hermione answered. Brazenly, the brunette added; βAlthough, after supper, Harryβs going to spank me silly, pop the plug out, and then shag me so hard that Iβll be limping even without the plug.β
βBoth of you are so wildly naughty,β Courtney congratulated. βEven if Draco and I had sex in every cupboard in the castle β which weβre trying to do before term is up, itβs important to set goals β weβll never reach the lofty heights you two have set.β
Harry stopped walking and asked in a serious, but nervous tone, βAh, Courtney, about Draco. Heβs still giving me the βeye.ββ
βOh, that,β Courtney said with a cute blush to her cheeks. βI wasnβt completely correct when I said Draco wasnβt a poofter. After some βprobing,ββ she said the word knowingly, βIβve changed my assessment β Dracoβs mostly not-gay. Iβd say heβs about twenty to thirty percent light in the loafers. This makes him mostly straight, Iβm more than happy to say.β
Harry gulped fearful over the notion that Malfoy was gay β even if it was only twenty or thirty percent.
βHow did you come to that conclusion?β Hermione asked. She, too, was fearful over this development. Of course she wasnβt as worried as Harry. But then again, she wasnβt the one Malfoy wanted to bugger.
βWell, have you ever heard of pegging?β the Auror in training asked.
βNo,β Harry and Hermione both replied.
βWell, then, I canβt tell you what it is, because itβll probably give Hermione some ideas,β Courtney informed. She explained βBut, pegging doesnβt make a bloke gay, necessarily. However, the words and phrases of encouragement that Draco was saying β or rather shouting at the top of his lungs β kind of told me he still craves some stiff man-meat. A rather specific manβs meat, if you follow my meaning. If you donβt, Iβm referring to Harryβs meat.β
Again, Harry gulped. This time, he swallowed a mouthful of hot bile that had been threatening to escape.
βDonβt worry, sugar,β Courtney said comfortingly. βIβm just the girl to keep him from trying to hump you.β She patted Harry on the shoulder and said cheerfully; βSpeaking of which β Iβm off to go shag my blond-boy-toy! Thereβs a bunch of cupboards on the third floor we havenβt fucked in yet!β
With a happy trot, Courtney left Harry and Hermione to go fetch Draco.
βI think I lost my appetite,β announced Hermione who had a green tinge to her face.
Harry, who assumed that his complexion was a shade that would of put Hermioneβs green tinge to shame, just nodded his head in agreement. As a pair, the two turned and headed back to their chambers in silence. Harry was so lost in thoughts of Draco still pining away for him that he had forgotten about Hermioneβs bum-plug and subsequent plan of spankings and shag.
However, Harryβs fears over the threat of Draco were chased from his head when he and Hermione entered their chambers to find a brilliant, silver doe waiting for them.
To Be Continued
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