This is the first time I have ever told any one about this

Cousin Jo and I decide to go swimming.

I will be sharing many of my adventures. Have you seen my photos?

girls and girls…. and boys and a boat or two

I never planned for any of this to happen, but once our chemistry clicked the fun began…

Building something new
Hay, it has been a while.
I think it is about time I covered some of the basics about the structure of the gangs. The where six gangs on the estate the Dead Heads, the Hell Boys, the Bad Dogs, the Dammed Ones, the Burned Stars and the Flesh Eaters. I know the names are a little over the top but it is what we called ourselves. The gangs tags where the initials put together in some way, normally in the gangs colour, but each crew within the gang would change style. The gangs had somewhere between 100 to 200 members each of which about a third where girls, if the Dead heads where all fit and we stripped our corners and streets we could call on around 70 lads. The gangs had the same again in hangers on, girlfriend who hadn’t joined, kids how wanted to join, and the weak who where afraid to join but hung around the edges looking for protection, they also supported a fair number of girls who were used as sex toys, and then you had family members and old boys to take into account. These people where split into crews.
A crew was a group within the gang with its own structure and internal politics, it was ran by a chief and one or two Lts, and was a simple way to organize the larger gang. They numbered between a dozen and 20 members each, if a member earned money though crime he paid it up the chain, and the chief paid it into the gang, but it also worked the other way money came down to the chief from the gang and he paid out a wage. This was so the high cash corner crews like mine subsidised the lower earning ones, you still made more money if you worked in the higher risk parts of the gang but it kept others happy.
Lacy’s crew, now my crew, was a corner crew. We ran a drugs corner, for that you need spotters, runners, tellers, a bank to keep the count and muscle if you want to hold the corner, all in all about 10 lads working at all times you are open. An addict has to spend about £10 a day on his poison of choice a day it keep himself set, depending and quality and availability of product. With a 60/40 split up to the gang the corner make £4 per addict per day. With 10 lads working you need to get close to 100 addicts buying of your corner a day to make it worth the effort, and back then a lad was very happy to earn 40 a day for 4/5 hours work of a night. If you could push it up to around 120 addicts you really started to make money. Luckily the one thing the estate had in spades was addicts, sooner or later they ended up here.
Of course everyone that worked the corner was part of the crew but not everyone that was part of the crew worked the corner. In my case Mike was always part of my crew but you couldn’t have him work a corner or soon all the money and all the drugs would end up in his pocket. The way the gang earned money of Mike was just going to his room once a week and emptying his pockets. You didn’t get things of value all the time because to him a plastic folk given out free at a chippy held the same value as jewels so long as he got to steal them. I took anything that looked valuable, pawned it, took a cut and then gave half back to him and half to the gang. He made quite a bit of cash that way.
Our territory was big enough just to fit 3 drugs crews, with constant fighting over the boards with the Hell Boys and the Bad Dogs, but even so that left more than half the gang with nothing to do. The other crews did anything to make money selling alcohol, cigarettes, pirate CD’s and anything they could steel. The only reason they didn’t do protection, loan sharking and prostitution was the King had his own people doing that on the estate. It was the same with Ecstasy, there were plenty of people that we could sell it to, and it was easy money, but his people sold it in the clubs so we stayed well away. Even so everything we did a small cut went up to him, even if he had nothing to do with it.
No one really grieved Lacy death, to most who loved him he had died long ago when he first picked up the needle and with his finale downward spiral his family was numb.
Taking over Lacy’s crew after his death was not easy, I may have been his Lt, I may have been running it more or less by myself for months, I may have had a reputation that few people could boast of, but I was very, very young to be running a crew let alone one of the valuable corners. Really Eddy wanted to put one of his own men in over me, he didn’t oppose me himself but he had some of his lads do it, they said over the last few weeks I had been unstable, which was true, and I was too young, which was also true, and the was that nasty rumour that I had kill Lacy… not of course that they believe it… but still. I didn’t argue to loudly about that, they may have started the rumour to hurt me but I saw the look of fear in other peoples eyes now and I was happy for them to think I had kill Lacy. I didn’t try and argue the points with them, I only pointed out that it was my right and anyone that wanted to challenge that was more than welcome to try me. I was 6 foot 2 by now and strong, I was trained well, the where only four people in the whole gang I didn’t think I could take, and of them only Littler was in a place to challenge me, and he really didn’t have the brains to run anything.
Eddy had them back off, looking like he had given up was better than looking like he had lost. Still he had sway over half the lads working the corner and they left once it became apparent I had won but I was glad of that. I would have forced them out anyway, I wasn’t having Eddy’s people watching my back, I was going to make a new crew. I shorted myself a little to increase the wage on my corner to attract the people I wanted.
I wanted older siblings, with parents that where trying hard, I wanted people who the money they were being paid mattered, that a few extra pounds would make a world of difference. I want people who would be grateful to me for the small increase in their standard of living, people who would be loyal to me above the gang, I wanted people not touched by the weakness that was slowly infecting the gang. I made it clear that if I caught any of them using, if they took money from Eddy, if they didn’t pull their weight, if they stole anything from me then I would kick them out. I couldn’t get all I wanted in everyone but after a few false starts I built a crew to be proud of, a strong crew.
It wouldn’t have happened, it would have die before it could walk, if I had tried to build it without a gang behind me. We ran short staff, we lost money, I moved people around so much I wasn’t sure who worked for me. Shark circled all the time and all that kept me from going under was my will and a fair amount of violence directed at anyone that opposed me. Within the month my corner, my crew, was strong.
PayDay became my Lt, not for any real skills but because he was dog loyal to me by now. I had a lad called Joel, who went by the Prophet or Profit, depending on if the crowd would get the biblical references, who was way too smart to work a corner but just couldn’t stop running his mouth to people bigger than him so needed protecting from Eddy. There was Paul who went by Gibby, he was so sure that one day he would be a boxer, spent most of his time training. Then came Denise, who wanted so badly to be called The Menace but couldn’t get it to stick, so went by Dee, he had the cutest little 3 year old sister who he would do anything for. My muscle came from Frank the Tank, who lived with his Gran who still called him Francis no matter how much he asked her not to, and a lad called Aaron who went by Aaron because he had that much imagination, he was the oldest of 5 brothers. There was also Kid Willy, Painy, Less and Alex.
Now Alex, who went by Lexi, was an oddity, a gang girl that did real work for a living. Faye was insanely jealous of her just because Lexi got to be part of my world that I wouldn’t let her be more than because she was a threat. Lexi was very attractive, tall with an hourglass figure, her soft femininity was offset by good muscle in her arms, leg and stomach which made her able to go physically with any of the lads. Her face was cute more than beautiful, ocean grey eyes and strait brown hair. Even if I was going to cheat on Faye it really didn’t matter how attractive I found her because she had a real problem with being touched. She would freeze up if you made even accidental contact with her skin, which made it very hard to be friends with her until you understood the no touching rules. Still she was a very good worker.
Once the corner was running properly it amazed me the step up in money from a Lt to chief, I knew they earned more, hell I had seen the money but it wasn’t real to me until I found I had so much in my pocket at the end of the week. This was when I began to wonder how much Bob was making off the gang and if he was making as much as I thought why in hell was he still living here. I poured all my negative emotions into rebuilding the corner, I used my hate and rang to make it strong, and I learned to live with myself again one day at a time. I was not as happy as I was but I learned to put myself in boxes again, and not to stop or look back.
I also had Charlotte to look after, I made her my personal responsibility, I think I used her survival as a way to make up for all the bad things I did. She never told me what Lacy had done to her in those last days, I didn’t ask, but I knew he had been dosing her. I watched her very carefully of signs of addiction, I put the word out that anyone selling to her would find me very upset, but it didn’t seem to have a hold on her. If she had been quite before she was silent now, you where lucky if she would respond to a direct question, but when she did speak it always mattered. Her outlook was dark, now I would call her a Goth but back then I didn’t have a word for it, but really it fitted well with how I was feeling. Amy liked her, but Amy liked anyone who would be her friend without wanting something, Faye really liked her and it was only my strong objection that stopped her from trying to sleep with Charlotte.
The was no question about her running train to join the gang, I wasn’t going to let her, no one was going to touch her. She never became a full member but no one questioned her involvement in my crew, I was as politically powerful within the gang as I ever would be. The gang looked after its own, her mother was being given enough to live off so she didn’t have to work.
In the better place I was in Faye and my relationship got back on track. She acted like none of the bad stuff over the last few weeks had happened and I was happy to let her play pretend. I now told her everything but I still think she zone out the worst bits. Still now when I was close to losing my temper she would be able to tell the same way the other Berserkers could. The sex went back to more or less normal too, being able to put emotion back into the act was one of the best feeling ever.
It happened a little over a week after Lacy death, I was still suspended so had spent most of the day trying like hell to put together a working corner for the night. When I got home after finishing up and I was so tiered, I just wanted to eat something and curl up in bed. The smell of her cooking greeted me at the door, god that girl could cook, my nose pulled me into the kitchen without my brain thinking it. I spent some time just standing in the door way watching her fine arse sway as she worked, tiered as I was the movement of her hips had a vaguely hypnotic effect. I had tried to be affectionate with her but it was a forced act, I had to try.
Now I walked up behind her without thinking and wrapped my arms around her, her body fitted so well into mine, I inhaled deeply the smell of her hair. I know it was mostly shampoo but it was her smell, years later I still look for her when I catch that sent. She moved her head to the side to give me access to her neck, I learned down and kiss her neck. I ran my tongue up her neck to her jaw , she purred deeply as I kiss her cheek. I moved back ever so slightly and nibble her earlobe gently. Her lips parted and she let out a long moan of lust and sexual frustration, it had been weeks since we had had sex and even longer since we had had good sex.
She turned pushing her ample breast into my chest, my hands slipped down her back coming to rest on the curve of her arse. “Welcome back, I have missed you” she whispered to me, looking up at me with those big eyes that could see into my soul. I leaned down and pressed my lips to hers, the kiss was long and deep, more based on need that love, her tongue met mine passionately, breathing became something for other people as our mouths moved as one. We broke off panting, I looked down at her smiling face, that smile had been in short supply lately, that was my fault and I would do anything to keep it there. I move back down to kiss her and she put her hand to my mouth.
“Not right now silly or the food will burn” she laughed at me “if we do anything more I don’t think I could stop myself from ripping off your clothes right here. So go and set the table, go!” she pushed me off playfully. Dinner was exquisite torture, sitting there trying not to touch her when every part of my body wanted to melt into hers. I wolfed my food down without tasting it but she ate slowly continually glancing at me with an evil grin. My dad knew what was going on and was not going to pass up the chance to mess with me, ask Faye any question he could think of to stretch out the meal. In the end I kicked him under the table to get him to stop.
I grabbed Faye’s hand and pretty much dragged her from the table, she was happy, smiling and laughing for the first time in weeks. My dad made a crack about us having an early night but I wasn’t listening, my whole world had shrunk to Faye. Fuck the corner, fuck the gang, right now she was all that mattered. I knew that I was still me, that in the morning I would still be the vicious, violent thug but for tonight I was going to pretend that I am normal.
The second the door closed I wrapped my arms around her hips and pulled her into me, there was no kissing, no petting, just holding each other tightly, listening to each other breath. I really don’t know how long we stayed like that but it felt good, it was only when I thought about letting go that I noticed I had picked her up of the floor and was holding her into me. I smiled down at her as I put her down on the floor.
“Are you ok with this?” I asked her “I would understand if you didn’t want to… with me.” There was a long silence as she looked deep into my eyes. I could see the love and the lust in her eyes and underneath I could see the fear, the fear I had put there. She loved me but she was scared of me and I hated myself for that, I didn’t want her to fear she was the only person I didn’t want her to fear me. She broke eye contact and leaned in to me.
“I want to” she whispered just loud enough to hear. With that I began to undress her. It was awkward and clumsy to strip, it had always been so easy but now it was like we had no idea of each other’s body, we didn’t move as one anymore. That change the second we where naked, all the knowledge of her came flooding back as our bodies began to move as one again.
My hands roamed the soft bits of her body, enjoying her warm flesh moving under my touch, as we kissed. Her own hands began to trace lines across my muscles, it took me a few seconds to realise that she was following my scars with her finger tips, along the fresh pink and old white. It was a strange feeling, the slight difference in feeling when they passed from one bit of skin to the other, it tickled, but was such a turn on. I pushed her back onto the bed and learned down into her, I kissed her collar bone ever so gently, starting at her shoulder and moving inch by inch inwards towards her sternum, each tiny contact making her tremor involuntarily, little whimpers slipping between her lips.
I wanted to make this go on as long as I could, I wanted to drive her crazy before I was done. I kept going down her sternum until my mouth was between her breasts. I ran my tongue over her breast in a slowly decreasing spiral moving towards the now hard nipple at the centre. My tongue found the bundle of nerves making her moan in pleasure and when I took it between my lips and sucked she let out a scream far closer to animal the human. Soon I moved over to the other nipple, moving my hand up to take the place of my mouth on the first. I enjoy listening to her moan for a while longer before I began to move down.
I ran my tongue down the flat of her stomach, pausing momentarily to run it around her cute little belly button before continuing downwards. I had almost forgotten the way she tasted, the wonderful taste, I moved my tongue slowly along the whole length of her slit savouring that taste. She was already wet, I knew she would be ready, but I wasn’t close to done playing with her sexy little body yet. I used one hand to spread her for better access, she moved her legs to help, and put my head back down. I ran the underside of my tongue from side to side just underneath her clit being careful not to touch it. She had stopped moaning and had moved on to deep breathing, each breath a little shorter than the last, getting closer and closer to panting.
“I am going to cum” She gasped, she didn’t need to tell me, I knew her, I could feel her body getting closer and closer to its peak. But with her telling me I decided it was time to push her over. I moved up her a fraction, devouring her clit enthusiastically, I slipped two fingers on my free hand into her look for her g-spot, moving them in and out while pressed against the front wall of her warm, wet pussy. I did the trick, she climaxed. Her back arched, her muscles tensed, her pussy contracted around me finger sending small waves of her sweet juices into my mouth and she let out a single, long scream of pure ecstasy. I kept my hand moving, kept my tongue working as I hungrily lapped her juices, I wanted to keep her cumming for as long as I could.
It had to come to an end at some point, she crashed back onto the bed panting. I moved back up and held her in my arms as she recovered, kissing her knowing that she could taste herself on my lips. “I want to feel you in my now” she purred into my ear. This was lucky, while I was happy to just lie next to her I was painfully aroused by now and I am not sure I could have stopped there.
I moved back on top of her, lining myself up. She was so wet from her orgasm I slipped into her easily. God she felt good underneath me as I picked up pace. The way she smelt, the little squeaks she gave with each trust, the bounce of her breasts, how her hips move up to me, every part of it was good, was great. We move together as we made love, slipping into a slow, passionate tempo. I tried to hold eye contact but it felt to good and soon my eye when turned up into my skull. Each of my breaths was now a groan as I began to move faster and faster.
If I had let myself go it would have been over very quick, she was hot, I was horny and it had been awhile since we had been together. From almost the second I penetrated her I was holding back and now all my will went into making it last just a few moments longer. As I felt myself unable to hold on any longer I forced my eyes open to stare down on her pretty face, delighting in the smile of pure joy I saw there. I came. Sending spurt after spurt into her as my muscles contracted with minds of their own. I collapsed on top of her unable to move.
It was a while until I came back to the world, blinking, and rolled off her letting my cock slip out of her. Given her earlier climax she hadn’t during sex but she now set about rectifying that with her hands as she lay next to me. I held her as she masturbated enjoying the noise and feel of the girl pleasuring herself so close to me. The sex must have been better for her than I had thought because she was very close and it didn’t take long before she was screaming out her second orgasm of the night.
She pulled her fingers up to her mouth and licked them clean, making sure I was watching her do it. I lay there as her breathing got slower and she drifted off feeling the love between us. It wasn’t the same as it had once been, it wasn’t the simple, pure puppy love that we had once had. She had seen the darkness that I carried within me, had met the monster, and she hadn’t run away. She still loved me and I knew that all of me, even the monster loved her. It wasn’t the same, it was darker, sadder and deeper, it may have lost it innocence but I knew it was better. I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
We woke up that way and everything was ok again. Life was good. Over the next weeks I rebuilt my corner, made it strong, I repaired a lot of my old friendship and began working with Cain again. He acted as if I had pass some tested he had set all along. And all it was ok because at night I got to crawl into bed with the girl I loved.
I was happy, I was in love but the estate cared not for happiness or love. It was hell, what it wanted was to crush you, and you either let it or you became part of it. Happiness was fleeting and I was just waiting for the estate to slap me again.

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Moving up
I stood on the top of heaven, the highest point in the estate, and the sounds of New Years Eve just audible above the howling wind. I was so cold but I didn’t care. Tonight was the night, the final test. The other berserkers stood around the roof, if I passed I would be one of them. I looked at them, if they where as cold as me they didn’t show it, all hard eyes and rage. Most of them where now my friends but if I failed I doubted they would not be keeping me around. Taz and Lacy came forward, I held up my hand and waggle my fingers.
The wind gushed am I almost lost my footing on the frost covered roof. Lacy grab hold of my arm holding it out strait so I couldn’t move, my hand force towards Taz. I spread my fingers to give him easy access, this was going to hurt that was kind of the point, this was all about trust. Taz grabbed my index finger and pulled. It takes quite a bit of skill to dislocate a finger without risking breaking one or doing permeate damage, it is much easier to just break one. You pull fast and add a slight twist you can ripe all the joints out of place. Taz did this know, I have never felt such pain, normal my body would be giving me some endorphins and a whole lot of adrenalin to help me deal with the pain. But I couldn’t use them right now, if I did I would be dammed.
The edge of my vision was already red but I held out as he move on to my next finger. I was screaming inside my head, my body begging for me to give in and let the rage take away the pain. I was panting like a dog as he moved on to the third. My world had shrunk to the war in my head and the pain in my hand, I could barely hear the popping of my joints. The fire in my hand began to spread heat up my arm as tendons where distressed. My little finger was the last to go but my body barely registered the new pain.
Taz back up and Lacy let me go, both getting back quickly in case I lost it. I gritted my teeth against the pain. All I want to do was cradle my arm and curl into a ball and sob. But the test wasn’t over and I would not show weakness. I held up my hand in front of me, my vision swam and I had to fight off waves of nausea and vertigo. I grabbed my index finger, it was already swelling, I tried just to get my knee to stay strait, and there was a sick crack as I force my finger back into place. I forced down the cry of pain. I grabbed the next and did the same. My face split into a manic smile as it went back into joint. I was shaking now, black spots spinning in my vision. As I forced the third back into place I felt something break inside my head. Blood followed freely down my nose and into my mouth. The tasted nearly put me over the edge, I gasped for breath forcing the red rage back down. My last finger fell into place my hand going numb from the pain and cold.
I looked up laughing like a lunatic, I held up my hand and waggled my finger, and Bob gave me a single nod I had passed. I turned my arm tucked in tight to my chest and looked out over the estate listening to my new brother leave. Taz came up behind me and put his hand on the shoulder, he was proud of me.
“Alreet Rave”
“Reet Taz, have they gone?”
“Aye they have gone”
I vomited loudly over the side, my body racked with shocked and pain. I throw back my head and howled, a roar of hate and pain and rage and victory.
Taz had done a good job, it could have been much worse but it wasn’t perfect. My index finger on my right hand has never been the same, it doesn’t quit fit into a fist anymore unless it is cracked first, it aches when the weather changes but it reminds me of that night when I knew that I controlled my body not the other way around.
I really don’t remember getting home. I remember how good the ice it felt, so good, so cold. I looked down at Faye, my girl, her eye all concern. I tried to give her a reassuring grin but I am told that I smiled like a mad man. I let her wrap my hand and take me to bed, my dad was at a works do wouldn’t be back till late, I lay there and tried to convinces her to have sex with me. She put a stop to that by squeezing my hand, making me yelp in pain, and laughed. She kissed my hand better and let me go to sleep.
When I woke I couldn’t move my hand. The bruising was so bad it was near black. Faye took me to the shower and let the 10 minutes of hot water do its work.
“You don’t have to mother me” I teased
“Oh, would a mother do this?” with that she grabbed my cock and began to stroke. Hot soapy water ran down my body as she moved in close. Her head was level with my chest, she kissed and nibbled my nipples as she jacked me off. I ran my left hand down her back trying to keep my right out of the way. She increased speed trying to get me off before we ran out of hot water. I began to moan as I got closer and closer. My cum shot across the bath hitting the far wall, the next spurt landed in the water and was washed away. I shivered under the warm water as she let me go, she ran her finger up the wall and sucked on it. She came back over and hugged me. I would have stayed there for a long time but the water chose that moment to run out. We jumped out of the shower squealing.
My dad was in as much of a state as I was. Last night the husband of a woman she was fucking at work had hit him. My dad was hard, he beat down the poor husband, but he had got in enough licks. He was bruised and scared that he would lose his job but getting to unload on someone had made him feel alive for the first time in a long while.
He shouldn’t have worried, we are not sure if it was because of the woman being far higher up than dad and they were worried about sexual harassment or his bosses just liked a man who could beat down someone bigger and stronger than him but they promoted him. He was still an office boy but he was now on the second to top floor not near the bottom. The pay bump wasn’t much but we never had to do the by annually pick water or power coin toss again, and we no longer needed the money I got from the gang to not go to bed hunger one in a while.
My own earning went up significantly. I had become elite and I was to move up. I became Lacy Lt helping him run his corner, really my job was no different but I sat there and watched kids sell drugs after school. The trade only really started up later afternoon as it took the addicts that length of time to put together the money and most of the casual users only came around at night so I didn’t have to miss school. I ran the corner when Lacy was doing other stuff, I acted as muscle to ensure payment and to keep away the other gangs and I made sour the count was kept right. The work was not bad but I did learn a lot about why the older members of the gang were the way they were.
Have you ever met a smack head? There is nothing as vial, as decrypted, as truly dammed as a human who has let themselves fall that far. When all your world is controlled by when and how you get your next fix, when you will do anything for just one more high, when you will sell your friends, your family and your very soul. These are the scum of the world we have built, an underclass with the underclass, men willing to pimp out their own daughters, mothers willing to let their babies starve, people that would lick your feet for just a tasted. They were dammed and I was their dealer.
It is hard not to hate yourself when you spend your life profiting off the lowest depths of human misery. The self-loathing is soon all you feel so you find some to blame, and they are right there buying your produced, and you hurt them to make yourself feel better. Once you learn to find fun in the pain of the addicts it is easy to move on to other. Humiliation, violation and degradation all become just part of the fun. You learn to lose yourself in base emotions, lust, hate, rage knowing that no matter how bad you become at least you are still above them. More often than not they cross over, quash the self-loathing in the sweet oblivion of the narcotics they sell, but with just one slip they will fall forever become the worst of them all.
I knew this by the end of the first week and I hated myself. I know this sound soppy but love saved me, I couldn’t truly become self destructive why I loved Faye and she loved me. You got used to it and learned to build two bits of yourself, the dealer and the person, not that this makes you good it just makes you last.
My hand heeled given time and truly became one of the inner circle of the gang. I was like them.
I was a violent drug dealer, there are few things I am proud of from my childhood but it was the world I grew up and I can rationalize most of it away. But there are a handful of things that I am ashamed of, things that when I wake up in the dark, in the middle of the night I can’t say that was just how it was and for those I am sorry.
The first one of those was such a small thing, as January was ending, to get a girl from the year bellow me to come to a party. I had never meet Emma before she was pointed out to me by Cain on one Wednesday morning. At 12 she was old enough to start looking sexy without losing her childhood cuteness, all blond curls, big blue eyes and dimples. I was told she had to come to a party at the YMCA Friday night and it was my job to get her to come. Sometimes I lie to myself and say that I didn’t know what they planned to do to her, but I knew what type of party it was going to be from the way Cain said it, and no girl like her would have been a guessed unless bad things where on the cards.
In the end it didn’t take much to get her to come, I am not sure why they asked me, she took a bit of talking to but we would take her. Faye and I meet her on Lacy’s corner as business was running low for the night. Lacy had left more than a hour ago and we were dealing with the rush of people going out who needed a pick me up. Now this business is done in the clubs but back then coke didn’t sell anywhere near a normal club. I settled up with the lads that where on, most would go find a street corner to drink on, some of the older ones would be at the party. I sent a lad off to hand in our scraps, knowing that some of them wouldn’t make it back in, and took the money I knew it was right without looking.
Mike met us outside, he told us the Taz and Amy had come 10 minutes ago. I walked in to the sound of pleasure. There where mattress in the centre of the common room, all where in use a mass of naked flesh. The coaches around the edges had people on them too, some watching, some resting, some warming up.
“What… what is going on?” asked Emma
“It is a party, what did you think would be going on?” Cain came down the stairs“I will take her from here Rave.” He took the still stunned girl back upstairs and I let him do it. My only concern was to find Lacy and settle up. Cain sent him down to me, I could go up all on my own now but I was still not used to it. I passed him the money and told him how much, he counted it in front of me which pissed me off a bit he should have counted it but not with me there, he passed back some bills and I slipped them away. We walked into the party.
The was a girl of about 15 leading a 11 year old around by a leash, the family resemblance was apparent I would say younger sister. The younger girl was naked except for a pair of white cotton panties with pink teddies on them, she had almost no development. The older girl was offering blowjobs from her little pet to anyone not in use. I told Mike to give me back my money, I hadn’t seen him do it, I am not even sure he knew he had, he gave it to me and walked over to the pair. We walked passed couples in almost every position, I could see Faye taking notes, and moans of passion sounded from half a dozen places.
A girl was being dped on one mat, tears running freely down her face as she begged both lads to fuck her hard. There was a girl wearing a protective cone collar like off a sick dog, her face was turned up and lads stood around her wanking. A lad pulled out of a girl on the other side of the room as she screamed out her own orgasm to run across the room to empty himself not the girls face, the was quit a pool building up inside the cone, plastering her hair to her face. The was a girl with another over her knee, her arse starting to go purple and her cunt dripping, I was hard to tell if the screams form each smack when from extreme pain or the heights of pleasure. Maybe it was both, I had felt that before and there was a thin line.
There was a fat girl, clearly too drunk to consent, half passed out on one of the mats. She had been fitted with a ring gag and lads took turns with her mouth as she was fuck with a strap-on by a girl with the body of a model. She laughed and encouraged each lad to throat fuck her fat slut of a friend all the hard, each thrust made her gag and sent ripples along her skin. She had thrown up on herself more than once and as I watched she did it again, it didn’t even slow down the lad in her mouth.
We reach the dining room, it was quitter here as heavier drinking was going, there was still a girl passed out bent over the table with a lad fucking her as two more waited. She had whore written on her fore head in black marker that still hung from a string around her neck, I would hate to try and get that off, and had tally marks on her arse check. The lad finished and added another, letting the next guy take his place. I crack open a fresh bottle of white lighting and took a deep swig, god it was crap but we kept buying it anyway, and passed the bottle over to Faye.
I walked back into the main room in time to see the fat girl cum. Her ‘friend’ pull out and began slapping her cunt like there was no tomorrow, her body convulsed and she began to send jets of liquid all over the mat she was on. It was the first time I had seen a girl squirt and I was amazed. The fat girl tried collapse into a quivering mess but she was help up. The strap-on when back in and the next guy started fucking her mouth being told that she loved it.
I walked over to where Taz and Amy sat and passed around the bottle. Dale was having anal sex with a girl in front of them and Taz was loving the show of his boyfriend arse moving in and out. Amy was flushed by the sexual show, her checks pink her body squirming, clearly embarrassed by her own reaction. A lad tried to touch the clearly aroused girl but growls from myself and Taz send him running.
There was a shriek from the other side of the room. Stacie had been very close to getting a guy to fuck her, she was topless and making out, and then Bex had walked into the room. He froze, not willing to piss her off, and Stacie had exploded. In the two months since Bex had started this game no one had dare to sleep with Stacie, if the girl want sex she would have to give herself to Bex. Stacie grabbed her cloths and ran out in a rage. Bex just smiled knowing she was on the brink of winning. She nodded at us and headed up stairs. We didn’t need to be told twice.
Each room upstairs had something going on, we stopped and watch each one. The first was a simple thing eight girls on a tarp with one vibrator and a whole lot of oil. More interesting than the show was Faye and Amy reaction to it, Faye began to hump my leg very gently and Amy began to make little moaning sounds in time with Faye’s movement.
The next room a large swing had been set up, hung from it and unable to move was a skinny Indian girl, not a common sight back then around our way, she was blind folded and gagged and had a queue of lads waiting for a turn. She screamed into the gag as one of them pounded away at her, there was a spreading pool of cum on the floor under the swing already.
The third room looked just like normal sex until you realized what was wrong. The girl was so small, she was a midget, a fully developed little body hips and face normal but breast smaller, the body shorter, legs stubbier. The lad was raving about how hot and tight this little goddess was. She came with dozens of little shudders running all over her body. If Faye had not been there I would have been sourly tempted to have a go.
The next room had two girls spread eagle, each being eaten out, there was a clock counting down from 60 and there was money changing hands. Once the clock ran out the next two came forward to take a turn, laying down their money. If they made the girl come they got twice back but the girls would be leaving with quite a bit of money.
The next room was the last, because I wasn’t going near Bex’s room unless I was already bleeding or had been told to, this was going to be good. Bex had got some new toys, they had set her back some real money on them had them shipped in, they where a pair of black boxes with a pinkish rubber attachment on the top that could be changed. I know now they are called Sybians but back then they were magic boxes. The twins where not the most attractive girls in the gang but they were up in the top 10 and them being identical twins bumped them up some.
Bex had tied each of them into a kneeing position and placed them straggling each of the toys and put them on full. A third girl, young and pretty, was keeping tally on a white board. Each time one of the girls reached orgasm the girl would add a new mark. Both were on their second set of tallies, both in a pool of their own juices, both were so tiered and sour and sensitive, both begged for them to be turned off, for it to be stopped. Lads stood by some wanked, some laughed all enjoyed the show.
“Maybe we could get Bex to let us have a go” Faye whispered in Amy’s ear, just loud enough for me to hear. Amy turned bright red.
We headed for the end of the hall. It had been the shower room back before the YMCA left. It still was really, we hadn’t ripped out any of the porcelain and it was still covered in white tiles, but we had added some stuff to make it Bob’s ‘thrown’ room. He sat on a chair at the far end and gave a nod to both me and Taz. The cushions none the floor where mostly full but there was a space left open for us fairly close to Bob. Taz sat closest as due his rank and I sat between Amy and Faye.
There was a small square table in the middle of the room, from the way people where facing that is where the fun would begin. The door opened and Emma was lead in, naked but for a dog collar, she was shaking like a leaf. Bex took charge of her and lead her to the table and bent her over. The hand cuffs where pink and fluffy, four kept her in place. Bex picked up her magic wand, a stick with a larger sphere on top that vibrates, it was hooked up to the mains by an old extension cord that lead out of the door. Bex turned it on and placed it on the younger girl’s defenceless cunt. She screamed and bucked but was unable to get away but after a while her pleads for it to stop went to begs of it to continue. Before she had chances to cum Bex pulled back, getting a moan of frustration.
“I think she is ready for tonight’s main event” Bex said, she forced a ball gag into Emma’s mouth and buckled it tight behind her head. A lad that I knew was lead in, he was one of Cain’s crew and had been short on the count the last few weeks, I was waiting for the order to give him a slap for some time but I had been told not to. He was naked and blindfolded, they told him they had a hot virgin cunt all ready for him, I wanted to stop it, not for the girls shake but because it seemed he was being rewarded. Then I saw Emma’s reaction, she began to struggle her begs imposable to understand through the gag, she really didn’t want this guy to touch her which was reason enough to keep my mouth shut.
He was guided up to the girl, running his hands over her arse making her flinch with disgust. He began to slide into the girls opening when he came up with some resistance, he pushed harder and the look of pain told me that she really was a virgin. It still seemed to be a bit tame for these people but as he began to pick up pace a lad came up behind him and removed the blindfold. The smile on his face dropped from his face to be replaced with a sick look of panic, fear and disgust. He pulled out quickly and his face became a mask of rage, Taz and I were on our feet before he could take a step towards Bob putting up a wall of bodies.
“She is my fucking sister” he wailed. Half the room broke down laughing the other half looked on in shock. I was more pissed that I was kept out of the loop than at what I had done to the girl. I heard Eddy’s voice behind me and I was tempted to step aside and let the lad go but that would have been bad form.
“Aye you just took your own sisters virginity” he whined “and now you are going to keep fucking her. That little slut is going is going to take a load of cum by the end of tonight. You can do it yourself or if you are not up for it I can take her downstairs and see just how many lads want to help.” So that was the game, we were going to watch him violate his own kid sister or she would be handed to the mob downstairs.
“Bob?” he gave a final appeal.
“You stole from us” was all he said back.
Resigned to his fate he went back to his sister, I sat back down to watch, someone pulled the gag from Emma’s mouth allowing us to hear her pitiful begs to stop. Despite her bothers objections the revelation that he was fucking his sister had done nothing to diminish his erection. He tried not to look at her body as he fucked her hard, trying to get it over a quickly as possible. Amy’s nails dug into my arm, her body so turned on by the forbidden act unfolding in front of her. Emma’s body had been well warmed up, despite the fact that she clearly hated what was happening, it began to respond thrusting back into her brothers cock. She came with a howl of pure sorrow and began to sob like a child.
“She came” Amy mumbled, suddenly as if giving voice to the thought made it real, her own body tensed, breathing hard. Her nails broke the skin on my arm and the blood tricked down as she came. The orgasm was small but no less real. I let her curl up into me, no one was looking at us, and held her wondering what deep dark thoughts this pretty geek must have to cum from just watching this. Faye looked over with a knowing smile whispering to me that she really would have to get us fucking soon.
In the middle of the room the show was coming to an end, his pleasure spiking he thrust wildly, he came into his sister to the jeering of the crowd. Weeping almost as much as the girl as he collapsed on top of her.
“If you are not straight with us by the end of next month you can come back and take her arse” said Eddy. I looked at the family I had helped damage, the girl I had helped destroyed and I felt nothing but I would when I wake up in the dark, in the middle of the night with no one but myself to talk to and my soul is laid bare. Then and only then I feel true shame.

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I woke up on that Sunday morning, as happy as I had ever been in my short life. I knocked on the wall to wake Faye. We talked about what had happen last night, about me and her, about the world we lived in. I told her I loved her again and arranged to meet her in an hour outside the block. I hit the shower letting the hot water wash away the pain in my body, I scrubbed my hand to make sure I got all the blood off. I sat down at breakfast in a towel, my dad shows no shock at the state of my body, his was the same as a kid and I knew it. I told him about Faye and he laughed. I loved my old man and he loved me but we both knew that there was no way for me without the gang so we didn’t talk about it.
I meet Faye, and we walked hand in hand around to Bex’s, I needed to talk to her. Bex was still in her pyjamas. I sat in her living room hoping that Bob didn’t wake you, this was not a conversation I wanted to have in front of my boss.
“Bex, I am going to go out with Faye and I would like you to be ok with that please?” I could see the warring emotions behind her eyes. I was Bex’s favourite plaything and there was a connection there but it could never go beyond sex and fun. But she cared for me, she wanted to see me happy, so she smiled at us.
“Of course it is ok, you and I had fun but I can find someone else to play with. That is as long as you don’t mind me joining in now and then?” She asked
It was Faye that answered to my shock. “Sure you can, but I would like it if you stopped burning ar’Rave. The look really doesn’t suit him” We all laugh at that, the tension broken and spent an hour chatting as friend. My own performance was their favourite topic of conversation.
I walked back her back home and we spent the rest of the day naked in bed, she said she was sour from last night so we didn’t have sex, which was fine, I could wait till she was ready, we just lay there in each other’s arms kissing and heavy petting when the mood took us. We got up and ate dinner with my dad, talking about nothing and everything. Faye dad had beaten her mother and now was inside and Faye mother was a junky and didn’t really care when she was home. She went back to bed with me and we slept together for the first time without a wall between us. On a too small bed, in a dingy flat I had the bested night’s sleep of my life.
Monday morning came and that meant school. Taz found me before form and pulled me aside. He liked my plan, he needed to hide who he was better, half the gang would kill him if he was found out, and for that he needed a girl. He asked me to make the approach to Amy. Finding time to see her was hard, my breaks where taken up by gang work but luckily we where both set one for maths. As the lesson was going out I touched her arm, she almost jumped out of her skin, and she was scared. The best weekend of my life had been the worst of hers.
“Are… Are you ok?” I asked. The look of panic in her eyes faded as she looked at me.
“Oh rave it is you, can I help you?” She asked
“Aye, I need to talk to you, somewhere private, is it ok if I come around yours tonight?” She nodded and walked off.
Her parents owned one of the few local shops still open in the Dead Head territory on the estate, it was the on the bottom floor of a block of flats in a row with a chippy and an off-licence that wasn’t picky about serving kids, but then again it would have been trouble for them if they had. The shop was there to sell bread, milk, newspapers and a few other day to day things to the masses. You could just about do a weekly shop there but it was hard. On the estate they where rice but in the real world they weren’t. I think the reason Amy join was to keep the gang from making trouble for them and it worked, we left them well alone from then on, but that was mostly because we needed some place to buy food.
Faye and I walked in, it was already dark outside. I don’t remember the first time an adult looked at me in open fear, but Amy’s dad must have been one of the first. We took Amy to the back room and sat her down. I explained the Faye was her to make her fell more comfortable with me here. She thanked me for helping her on Saturday and I felt sick, I had thrown her and the other girls to the wolves in order to safe Faye. I explained that to her, but she said I had made her night better even if it had been for the different reasons.
Then I told her the truth, Taz was gay and it was getting harder for him to hide it from the gang. He needed a girlfriend to be seen with, he didn’t want sex and with his protection there would be few people willing to touch her without his say. She took it well, I would give her the night to think about it and give me an answer. I didn’t tell her not to tell anyone but I knew she wouldn’t.
Faye stopped at her flat to get some cloths and again spent the night in my bed.
Amy found us the next morning. She was in, how did we move on from here. My dad would be out on Wednesday night with his married bit from the offices, we needed to get her and Taz together to talk about it. I ran into Taz after school, we went running until we settled down on a abandoned roof top. I told him Amy was in, and they would meet to talk about it, he had best be nice to her or we would have words. We spent the evening up at heaven training myself and got home late. Faye was a sleep when I got back, I snuggled down next to her, I could get used to this.
Wednesday at school dragged, I saw one of Eddy’s lads that I had beaten on the weekend. I made sure to intimidate him for a few minutes before telling him there was no hard feelings. He was the one on the floor at the end, it should have been for him to say, but he took it well. I waited for the others at the gates. Faye and Amy came together, they have English together. Taz came later, we walked home in tenses silence, and they didn’t know how to react to each other now that they were both here. Once at home I made a brew and sat them down.
“So Taz you are a homosexual” I said in a formal tone, and me and him broke down laughing. So they talked. Taz was gay and while his boyfriend, a lad called Dale, was able to hide it by people thinking he was a heart breaker, going from one girl to the next, Taz never had. Now it was starting to look bad that he wasn’t with a girl and in the world we lived in being gay was not expectable. Amy was attractive if geeky and if left unprotected would be used up by some prick. Instead of waiting and hoping for someone to decide to take an interest in her she could pretend with Taz. Amy had had a bad initiation into the gang and didn’t want to risk not having someone. They both wanted this and even if it was a fake relationship they were both nice people, at least by estate standards, and would enjoy hanging out. The only sticking point came up with sex, Taz didn’t want any but she was just starting to have sexual feelings and given time would like to experiment down those lines. It was Faye that solved the problem.
“You can have Rave”
“What?” we all asked
“Well if you where really Taz girl friend, they would have no problem sharing us between them right?” after a breath glance at each other we both nodded, we where friends. “So if you want to experiment you can use Rave, I am sure he would like it and no one else will notice because they would share” she said with a smile. After that it was just a matter of how Taz would ask her out.
Taz left and I walked Amy home making sure she was really ok with it, and what would happen tomorrow. By the time I got home Faye was cooking, it smelled good, better than me or dad could do. I walked into the kitchen and came up behind her, rapping my arms around her.
“You really have no problem with me and Amy sometimes… you know”
“Not really Rave, well a bit, but it should be ok, as long as I get to watch” she laughed. The meal was good, I was going to have to get her to teach me or dad to cook like this. Not of course that I think you could ever give up on our great inventions like the butter, sugar and vinegar toasty but eating good food was something not to give up. We sat down on the coach to watch some TV and she snuggled up next to me, her hand slowly running down my stomach.
“You know we have the flat to ourselves, we could try some sexual actives again.” She said
“You want to have sex again?” I asked already getting excited
“No, I am still a little tender, but there are plenty of things we can do, I for one have always wanted to see what it is like the suck cock” she smiled slyly “would you like to try that Rave?” by now her hand was stroking my cock threw my pants.
“You can feel that I do Faye” I picked her up like she weighed nothing and kissed her in my arms, it was awkward for me to turn my head like that but she seemed to like it. I have found that a lot of the romantic gestures that girls love are surprisingly hard to achieve comfortably but they tend to be worth it in the long run.
I laid her down on my bed, I kissing and petting until she was ready. I began to take off her clothes and she did the same to me. Once we were naked I kept up the contact, trying to make sure she didn’t get cold feet. She pushed me off her onto my back and climbed back on top of me. She began to kiss down my front, her lips stung when they brushed some of the fresher burns on my chest, but that was ok it would be sometime before I got use to foreplay without some pain.
She moved lower along my six-pack, placing a kiss on each one of my muscles. I grunted in anticipation as her lips kissed the base of my now hard cock. It wasn’t bad, hell as long as she doesn’t bite you there is no such thing as a bad blow job, but she knew nothing. I was young and in love it did the trick. She went at it with too much enthusiasm first, pushing too deep too fast, she gagged loudly twice before I got her to pull back and focus on the head. She began sucking the head like a child sucking her thumb her tong laid still on the underside. I told her to move it and it came alive moving back and forth rapidly on my head.
I could feel the pleasure building and soon my groans became constant. I held out for as long as I could but soon I was telling her I was going to cum, that if she didn’t want a mouth full she best pull back. She gave a small shake of her head and kept on going. I came hard into her waiting mouth, she tried to swallow as fast as possible but it wasn’t enough. It dribbled down her chin. She used her hand to move it back into her month.
“That tasted not that bad” she said “Was I good?”
“You were great.”
“Liar, but don’t worry, I will have plenty of time to practise” with that she moved up to my chest and was asleep before I was.
I woke up in the night, she had rolled off me. I covered her in the blankets, she looked good sleeping, and I stayed awake and watched her sleep.
I sat at me post, on a wall in the lower yard, watching kids sell cans, each one giving pennies to the gang. It was a dull job but someone had to sit here and stop trouble and I guess it is better than being one of the ones selling cans. With this and my commitments outside school I got some money from the gang. Faye sat behind me, running her fingers through my hair waiting for the show to begin. It had to be done here, just in case. I watched the lad who was going to be the star of today’s show. He was a nothing bully using his gang membership to prevent comeback. Amy walked over to him and began to flirt, even from here you could tell she was bad at it but he didn’t notice. Once he got handy with her she backed off, panicked. I was about to make the move myself when Taz came to the rescue.
He hit the lad hard, smashing him off her. I got up and moved towards the fight, the where few people that could go toe to toe with Taz and he wasn’t one of them. He was on the ground now and I moved in to pull Taz off, one look in his eyes told me he was still in control. He walked over to Amy and ran his hand down his cheek, checking if she was ok, there was real concern in his eyes. That touch said more than any speech, Amy was his and no one else would touch her.
Faye took Amy’s hand and led her away. I bumped shoulders with Taz, and nodded after the girls, he smiled at me now people would be talking.
Taz walked Amy home that night, met her folks casually as they would have to buy it to. Faye couldn’t stop talking about the other girls reaction to Taz picking Amy, most where jealous, Taz was a catch. I took her home and we cooked dinner, my dad got home and we ate, he didn’t say anything about Faye still being there. He never did care about her more or less living with us.
We tried oral sex again that night, she was better and again managed to swallow. This time I pushed my luck I turned her over and ate her out. She tasted much blander than I expected from when I had done it before. I made sure to stay on the outside, licking and kissing her outer lips, I spread her slightly with my fingers so I could get at her clit. I ran my tong from side to side underneath her bud getting faster and faster. Once she was close I move up, devouring her clit. Her pleasure spiked, giving out a shuddering moan, her back arched, her hands pulling on my hair. I moved up and let her curl into me. I could feel her smile on my shoulder.
Friday night I was expected to go to a party of the gang. Most members would be there but I was now known to be in with the leadership. Taz had to go too so we took the girls to give them a public outing as girlfriend. We sat in a corner and watch people pretend not to stair. The only person getting a wider berth than us was Stacie, a slut from our year who had also joined last week. I asked around to find out why. Word had come down that no lad was to touch her, most thought it came from Bob, but he didn’t care one way or the other where he put his dick. Bex came over to say hi.
“So you have replaced me with Stacie have you?”
“You noticed that did you, can you blame me look at her. Anyway you know I have a thing for pretty girls.” Bex said running her hand down Faye’s back “I have made sure she can track it back to me, give her a mouth without a lad between her legs and she will do anything I say of release. In the mean time I have that friend of yours, Mike, upstairs waiting to be played with, don’t worry I will give him back close to how I found him.” We laughed and she left. 5 minutes later there came a strangled scream from upstairs.
We drunk enough that I wasn’t interested in sex when we got home. But I was young and by mid morning Saturday my hangover was gone. Faye told me she was up to sex tonight. I almost jumped for joy at that. I spent the rest of the day flirting with her, little touches and looks, but by the time we went to bed the sexual tension could be cut with a knife. We sat on the bed and just kissed of the longest time, the was no pressure, when we moved on was up to her.
She came up of air and she pull off her top, we hadn’t been out all day so she hadn’t bothered to put on a bra. I leaned in and kissed her nipple making her moan, one hand went to her other breast fondling it genitally the other began to undo her pants. She gave a small sigh of disappointment as my mouth left her nipple so that I could slip down her pants. I stood and stripped, shaking my hips to music that only I could hear, she found it so funny. When my painfully hard cock jumped free she clapped and I throw my boxers at her.
She pulled me back onto the bed, both of us naked. I kissed her lightly working my way from her lips down her neck and along her collar bone, she gave out little whimpers each time my lips touched her skin. Her hands ran along my back, sometimes letting her nails dig in and I kissed down her sternum. I moved down the flat of her stomach, she was now pulling the back of my hair quite hard, I kiss along her hips, the whimpers had now stopped and she was just biting her lower lip. By the time I got to her slit her juices where running down her tight. I took one long lick, making her body shudder and moved back up to her month letting her tasted herself on my tong.
I entered her then, slipping in easily, and sat there letting her get use to it. I began to trust and she came, quietly gasping into my shoulder as her body shock. I smiled down at her and asked if she wanted me to go on, to be honest if she said no I am not sure if I could have stopped back then but I didn’t have to find out, she nodded at me and I went on. As my speed increased I was forced to kiss her to stop myself crying out. My orgasm was big, my cock twitching violently inside her, and it set off her second. Both of use moaning and grunting into each other mouth.
I took her to the shower and we playfully washed each other, on a good day our hot water lasted about 10 minutes but that didn’t really matter. We stood there in the now cold spay, hugging.
In the morning my dad just gave us a knowing smile, the wall where paper thin. Most parents would have told us not to, that we were too young, that it was wrong but my old man wasn’t a normal parent, I doubt you would find many of them on the estate. He did take me aside later in the day and told me to be safe.
And that was my December. The winter is too cold and dark for the large scale fights of the gangs, the wars didn’t stop they just became a set of raids, running brawls and back street attacks. I was good at this type of war. I watch with amusement as Stacie got more and more frustrated without sexual interest from others and I knew Bex had her. Taz and Amy where becoming good friends even if it was based on a lie they were having fun. I spent much of my time training up on heaven, becoming stronger, more in control but every spare moment I had I spent with Faye.
She took Amy down to the doctors to get put on the pill, no one ask question of an estate kid. Then it was the holidays, I went to town and was followed around several shops by nervous security guards. I found it amusing to pick something up and walk close to the door. I got my Christmas gifts, they where quit pathetic really. I would spend more on someone I don’t like now. I got my dad a pair of new shoes, they cost me £20, they where cheep crap but his where more than a year old so he loved them. I got Faye three different colours of nail polish, to hear her squeal when she unwrapped them, it was not much but she loved it. This year had been good to me. I hoped the next would be the same.

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With a third cock at her disposal, it adds to the fun